I don't know how strict different dioceses and parishes are regarding Marriage Preparation, but honestly it is and should be a big deal. The parish and diocese that we got married in requires you and your fiancé to first meet with the priest that is going to be the Celebrant at your wedding. While at this meeting you talk with the priest about marriage, life, etc. Then you take the FOCCUS Inventory (separately - that is how they work). You also turn in your Baptism certificates and your freedom to marry forms (indicating that you haven't been previously married, if you have that it was annulled, and that you are of age). After that you attend a Marriage Prep class or weekend. Our parish had a Marriage Builder Weekend that we attended. You also take a Natural Family Planning (NFP) Course - I couldn't say enough about how great NFP is!! And you also meet with a couple from the parish to discuss your future marriage and you also go over the FOCCUS inventory with them - I think this aspect to the process is HUGE! Lastly, you plan all the details with the coordinator at the Church and make sure everything is set to go for the Wedding Mass!
Looking back on this experience, we are so grateful for the entire Marriage Prep process. While my hubby and I learned a lot of things pertaining to our future marriage before we entered the marriage prep process, as I am a nerd for books so we went through quite a few marriage prep books on our own, we also took a college course together on Christian Marriage, and I studied the topic very in-depth. But we went through the process because we had to, but also because we wanted to. Even though we knew that for us, most of it would be review, taking the time - even if it is just to review - is worth it to make sure that you are making the right decision and that all the cards are laid out on the table.
I feel bad for people who either never had marriage prep or who skipped out (marriage prep used to not be as big of a deal/requirement) or who just went though the motions but never really invested in it. Sure it is a big time commitment to accomplish all of the marriage prep, but if you aren't willing to give the time to your soon-to-be spouse, what makes you think you'll give them the time when you are married. What makes you think that you know everything about them?
I dated the man that I married for 5 1/2 years before I married him. In all of that time, unless we specifically brought up topics, we never would have talked about our family history and how that impacted our lives and what we would change for our own family. We never would have talked about how we wanted our family holidays to be. We probably wouldn't have made a financial goal together and truly discussed our finances - would we have a joint bank account? Et Cetera, Et Cetera!
There are hundreds of things that you should talk about before you get married, but oftentimes things get pushed to the side. While it may be impossible to talk about everything before you marry - at least cover the most important topics, which you can find through a marriage prep program or in a marriage prep book (if unfortunately your Church doesn't offer a program). Some of the most important topics are; Money, Faith, Children, Sex, Politics, Family of Origin, In-Laws and Goals/Careers. Talking about these things makes sure that when it comes to the BIG BUTTON issues that you have a game plan, an agreement, a mutual way of dealing with or handling the topic without one person feeling slighted or like their voice isn't being heard. If you are super different on a lot of these things and can't come to a mutual anything than you shouldn't be getting married. If you are already married and discovered this, seek counseling so that these things don't hinder or ruin the good in your relationship.
If you didn't have the chance to go through marriage prep, or you didn't get to talk about everything, or if something now in your marriage is bothering you -- take the time and talk about it. Go back through your marriage prep stuff, if you did marriage prep, and review it, improve it, update it, fill it in, talk about it, etc. Even if your marriage is smooth sailing - talk about these things. Continue to make sure that everything is out in the open and that both of your voices are being heard. COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE IS KEY AND COMMUNICATION IS A TWO WAY STREET!
Make your marriage what you want it to be and the sooner you do it, the better for both of you! If you have the opportunity in your area, go on a Marriage Encounter Weekend/Marriage Enrichment Weekend with your spouse to make sure you are talking about things that could become a problem if you aren't aware of them and to reignite the flame if you need!
I encourage you, if you aren't married, take marriage prep SERIOUSLY. If you are married and whether you went through marriage prep or not - take the time to make sure that you both feel good and are on the same page about topics today. For example, go over your budget today and make sure you are both still happy with it or discern whether God is calling you to have another child together. You can also just keep the communication flowing by looking up 100 Questions or Conversation Starters and talking about one of them over dinner or before you go to bed. I pray that you always take the time and invest like you did when you were dating/courting and when you were in marriage prep!
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