I don't know how strict different dioceses and parishes are regarding Marriage Preparation, but honestly it is and should be a big deal. The parish and diocese that we got married in requires you and your fiancé to first meet with the priest that is going to be the Celebrant at your wedding. While at this meeting you talk with the priest about marriage, life, etc. Then you take the FOCCUS Inventory (separately - that is how they work). You also turn in your Baptism certificates and your freedom to marry forms (indicating that you haven't been previously married, if you have that it was annulled, and that you are of age). After that you attend a Marriage Prep class or weekend. Our parish had a Marriage Builder Weekend that we attended. You also take a Natural Family Planning (NFP) Course - I couldn't say enough about how great NFP is!! And you also meet with a couple from the parish to discuss your future marriage and you also go over the FOCCUS inventory with them - I think this aspect to the process is HUGE! Lastly, you plan all the details with the coordinator at the Church and make sure everything is set to go for the Wedding Mass!
Looking back on this experience, we are so grateful for the entire Marriage Prep process. While my hubby and I learned a lot of things pertaining to our future marriage before we entered the marriage prep process, as I am a nerd for books so we went through quite a few marriage prep books on our own, we also took a college course together on Christian Marriage, and I studied the topic very in-depth. But we went through the process because we had to, but also because we wanted to. Even though we knew that for us, most of it would be review, taking the time - even if it is just to review - is worth it to make sure that you are making the right decision and that all the cards are laid out on the table.
I feel bad for people who either never had marriage prep or who skipped out (marriage prep used to not be as big of a deal/requirement) or who just went though the motions but never really invested in it. Sure it is a big time commitment to accomplish all of the marriage prep, but if you aren't willing to give the time to your soon-to-be spouse, what makes you think you'll give them the time when you are married. What makes you think that you know everything about them?
I dated the man that I married for 5 1/2 years before I married him. In all of that time, unless we specifically brought up topics, we never would have talked about our family history and how that impacted our lives and what we would change for our own family. We never would have talked about how we wanted our family holidays to be. We probably wouldn't have made a financial goal together and truly discussed our finances - would we have a joint bank account? Et Cetera, Et Cetera!
There are hundreds of things that you should talk about before you get married, but oftentimes things get pushed to the side. While it may be impossible to talk about everything before you marry - at least cover the most important topics, which you can find through a marriage prep program or in a marriage prep book (if unfortunately your Church doesn't offer a program). Some of the most important topics are; Money, Faith, Children, Sex, Politics, Family of Origin, In-Laws and Goals/Careers. Talking about these things makes sure that when it comes to the BIG BUTTON issues that you have a game plan, an agreement, a mutual way of dealing with or handling the topic without one person feeling slighted or like their voice isn't being heard. If you are super different on a lot of these things and can't come to a mutual anything than you shouldn't be getting married. If you are already married and discovered this, seek counseling so that these things don't hinder or ruin the good in your relationship.
If you didn't have the chance to go through marriage prep, or you didn't get to talk about everything, or if something now in your marriage is bothering you -- take the time and talk about it. Go back through your marriage prep stuff, if you did marriage prep, and review it, improve it, update it, fill it in, talk about it, etc. Even if your marriage is smooth sailing - talk about these things. Continue to make sure that everything is out in the open and that both of your voices are being heard. COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE IS KEY AND COMMUNICATION IS A TWO WAY STREET!
Make your marriage what you want it to be and the sooner you do it, the better for both of you! If you have the opportunity in your area, go on a Marriage Encounter Weekend/Marriage Enrichment Weekend with your spouse to make sure you are talking about things that could become a problem if you aren't aware of them and to reignite the flame if you need!
I encourage you, if you aren't married, take marriage prep SERIOUSLY. If you are married and whether you went through marriage prep or not - take the time to make sure that you both feel good and are on the same page about topics today. For example, go over your budget today and make sure you are both still happy with it or discern whether God is calling you to have another child together. You can also just keep the communication flowing by looking up 100 Questions or Conversation Starters and talking about one of them over dinner or before you go to bed. I pray that you always take the time and invest like you did when you were dating/courting and when you were in marriage prep!
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
I waited... and it was Worth IT!
I came across an article today titled "I Waited Until My Wedding Night To Lose My Virginity And I Wish I Hadn't". Immediately I knew I had to read this article because I longed to understand and see what this desperate soul was talking about. If you would like to read the entire article it can be found here. If you don't want to read it, that is fine too as I will reference what she said in this post.
She begins by describing that she was taught to remain pure until she was married and that she made the decision to do so at church alongside many other girls. Her story doesn't sound too different from mine. I made the choice when I was maybe 12 or 13 to remain sexually abstinent until I was married. My reasons did include following Catholic Church teaching (she was in a Baptist church - in case you were wondering so she followed their church teachings) as the main reason, but there were other factors that included; not wanting to disappoint my family, wanting to do it right - having children in the context of a marriage, etc.
Her reasons include her church's teachings, but I struggle to say that they were entirely accurate. Her church taught that "sex was for married people" - check I agree with that completely. But here is where it gets a little interesting for me; "extramarital sex was sinful and dirty and I would go to Hell if I did it." While having sex outside of marriage is sinful, maybe it is because I am Catholic, but I know that if you were contrite of heart and went to confession and didn't do it again, you would be forgiven and not condemned to Hell. I feel like this is a horrible scare tactic to convince a young 10 year old girl to remain a virgin. There are lots of reasons to remain a virgin before you marry the one person that you promise to share your mind, heart, body, and soul with and scaring someone to believe that they will go to Hell is just not one of the motivators you need to have.
Additionally, her church taught that "it was entirely possible that my future husband wouldn't remain pure for me, because he didn't have the same responsibility, according to the Bible..." - and this is where I draw the line. While it is entirely true that your future spouse may not have saved himself just for you and that you could forgive them because Christ can forgive them... NOWHERE and I MEAN NOWHERE does scripture excuse them from being pure and remaining pure until they give themselves to you. Christ calls us to the same standards - both MALE AND FEMALE!
The Catholic Church teaches that sex is sacred. It is an act for only two people that are married. CCC 2360 states, "Sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman. In marriage the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion. Marriage bonds between baptized persons are sanctified by the sacrament." This and the fact that if you have sex outside of marriage, by the very act of sexual intercourse you lie with your body and tell the other person 'I love you with the type of love only someone in a married relationship can love you like' is just that, a lie. (I am so passionate about this that I feel I am going to write an entire blog on it - so I will leave it at this). There are some wonderful resources on our bodies and waiting for marriage and how to have a good faith filled courtship. Check out Theology of the Body by Pope Saint John Paul II, which you can read here. Also, check out the Catechism of the Catholic Church on Marriage. And you can also get amazing books like Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World.
She goes on to talk about how she would wear her "virginity like a badge of honor". How sad that our society, our churches have even gotten to the point of having to praise the virgin. We should all be virgins until we give ourselves to our only spouse! Being a virgin shouldn't be your identity, it shouldn't be what defines you (it may define some of your choices and your character, but it should never be your one and only label). Being a virgin is huge and finding someone who you date/court who supports you and may even God-willing, share purity with you is amazing. Long story short, her wedding night wasn't what she thought it would be. She cried and felt that she was sinful and dirty. She felt like others judged her and she was ashamed to "be" in front of her spouse. She obliged herself for her husbands sake until she finally told him how horrible it made her feel. She went to counseling and no longer goes to church or is religious so that she can choose sex. She is convinced that "the entire concept of virginity is used to control female sexuality" and if she could go back she wouldn't wait until marriage.
So here is the thing, I waited until I got married to have sex. And my wedding night was the greatest night of my entire life. After dating the most incredible man for almost 6 years, I finally had the greatest privilege of sharing my innermost being with him. I was so incredibly fortunate to be blessed by God with a man who shared my passion and desires in life and like me had made a promise to wait until he was married. I am not saying that our first night was amazing like the movies. It was amazing to us because we got to share the most intimate thing that we possess in the context of a Sacrament - a perpetual vow, a promise for a lifetime. I won't lie to you, it hurt, but the fact that I got to share that moment and be consoled in that moment by the person who promised to love me for my whole life is something so beautiful to me. How sad it is that someone would have that experience with some random person who isn't invested in them for life. I loved that moment because my spouse was able to show me the most tender love I have ever known.
Never once did I feel dirty, ashamed, etc... while the first nights weren't the greatest in the world, like all good things in Marriage we got better as we practiced! ;) The thing is, when you wait and then give yourself freely (without condoms, Birth Control, or other barriers) you get to experience the greatest gift that God gave to us - the ability to love as much as is humanly possible. No other person can you love like you love your spouse. When you share the intimate bond that sex is, you are sharing in God's love as fully as you can here on earth.
The day after we were married I didn't think, "I can't see my parents because they know I've done it now" or "I can't go to Church where everyone I know is because they may think of me differently" or whatever else someone might think. We are married PEOPLE and like all good married people we do what married people do. If someone had a problem with that or looked at you weird, they are the one with the problem, because sharing the marital embrace is the greatest thing you can do as Husband and Wife - and if you aren't doing it - that is the serious problem!
IF I COULD GO BACK AND DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN --- I WOULD STILL CHOOSE TO BE A VIRIGN UNTIL I WAS MARRIED because it is the greatest gift in the world to know that I gave my heart to one person and one person alone and that I have loved as Christ called me to love!
I encourage you today - think back to your marital vows, remember what they mean - and love your spouse with a love that only you can give them.
She begins by describing that she was taught to remain pure until she was married and that she made the decision to do so at church alongside many other girls. Her story doesn't sound too different from mine. I made the choice when I was maybe 12 or 13 to remain sexually abstinent until I was married. My reasons did include following Catholic Church teaching (she was in a Baptist church - in case you were wondering so she followed their church teachings) as the main reason, but there were other factors that included; not wanting to disappoint my family, wanting to do it right - having children in the context of a marriage, etc.
Her reasons include her church's teachings, but I struggle to say that they were entirely accurate. Her church taught that "sex was for married people" - check I agree with that completely. But here is where it gets a little interesting for me; "extramarital sex was sinful and dirty and I would go to Hell if I did it." While having sex outside of marriage is sinful, maybe it is because I am Catholic, but I know that if you were contrite of heart and went to confession and didn't do it again, you would be forgiven and not condemned to Hell. I feel like this is a horrible scare tactic to convince a young 10 year old girl to remain a virgin. There are lots of reasons to remain a virgin before you marry the one person that you promise to share your mind, heart, body, and soul with and scaring someone to believe that they will go to Hell is just not one of the motivators you need to have.
Additionally, her church taught that "it was entirely possible that my future husband wouldn't remain pure for me, because he didn't have the same responsibility, according to the Bible..." - and this is where I draw the line. While it is entirely true that your future spouse may not have saved himself just for you and that you could forgive them because Christ can forgive them... NOWHERE and I MEAN NOWHERE does scripture excuse them from being pure and remaining pure until they give themselves to you. Christ calls us to the same standards - both MALE AND FEMALE!
The Catholic Church teaches that sex is sacred. It is an act for only two people that are married. CCC 2360 states, "Sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman. In marriage the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion. Marriage bonds between baptized persons are sanctified by the sacrament." This and the fact that if you have sex outside of marriage, by the very act of sexual intercourse you lie with your body and tell the other person 'I love you with the type of love only someone in a married relationship can love you like' is just that, a lie. (I am so passionate about this that I feel I am going to write an entire blog on it - so I will leave it at this). There are some wonderful resources on our bodies and waiting for marriage and how to have a good faith filled courtship. Check out Theology of the Body by Pope Saint John Paul II, which you can read here. Also, check out the Catechism of the Catholic Church on Marriage. And you can also get amazing books like Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World.
She goes on to talk about how she would wear her "virginity like a badge of honor". How sad that our society, our churches have even gotten to the point of having to praise the virgin. We should all be virgins until we give ourselves to our only spouse! Being a virgin shouldn't be your identity, it shouldn't be what defines you (it may define some of your choices and your character, but it should never be your one and only label). Being a virgin is huge and finding someone who you date/court who supports you and may even God-willing, share purity with you is amazing. Long story short, her wedding night wasn't what she thought it would be. She cried and felt that she was sinful and dirty. She felt like others judged her and she was ashamed to "be" in front of her spouse. She obliged herself for her husbands sake until she finally told him how horrible it made her feel. She went to counseling and no longer goes to church or is religious so that she can choose sex. She is convinced that "the entire concept of virginity is used to control female sexuality" and if she could go back she wouldn't wait until marriage.
So here is the thing, I waited until I got married to have sex. And my wedding night was the greatest night of my entire life. After dating the most incredible man for almost 6 years, I finally had the greatest privilege of sharing my innermost being with him. I was so incredibly fortunate to be blessed by God with a man who shared my passion and desires in life and like me had made a promise to wait until he was married. I am not saying that our first night was amazing like the movies. It was amazing to us because we got to share the most intimate thing that we possess in the context of a Sacrament - a perpetual vow, a promise for a lifetime. I won't lie to you, it hurt, but the fact that I got to share that moment and be consoled in that moment by the person who promised to love me for my whole life is something so beautiful to me. How sad it is that someone would have that experience with some random person who isn't invested in them for life. I loved that moment because my spouse was able to show me the most tender love I have ever known.
Never once did I feel dirty, ashamed, etc... while the first nights weren't the greatest in the world, like all good things in Marriage we got better as we practiced! ;) The thing is, when you wait and then give yourself freely (without condoms, Birth Control, or other barriers) you get to experience the greatest gift that God gave to us - the ability to love as much as is humanly possible. No other person can you love like you love your spouse. When you share the intimate bond that sex is, you are sharing in God's love as fully as you can here on earth.
The day after we were married I didn't think, "I can't see my parents because they know I've done it now" or "I can't go to Church where everyone I know is because they may think of me differently" or whatever else someone might think. We are married PEOPLE and like all good married people we do what married people do. If someone had a problem with that or looked at you weird, they are the one with the problem, because sharing the marital embrace is the greatest thing you can do as Husband and Wife - and if you aren't doing it - that is the serious problem!
IF I COULD GO BACK AND DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN --- I WOULD STILL CHOOSE TO BE A VIRIGN UNTIL I WAS MARRIED because it is the greatest gift in the world to know that I gave my heart to one person and one person alone and that I have loved as Christ called me to love!
I encourage you today - think back to your marital vows, remember what they mean - and love your spouse with a love that only you can give them.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
It Takes Work
It takes work to have a Happy Marriage. You don't just wake up and go through the daily grind and somehow expect your marriage to be the best thing ever -- something that is just going to tag along on your daily commute and come out at the end of the day with a smile larger than how it began.
As I recently was reminded by the Marriage page on Facebook, "Happy marriages don't happen by accident. They're the result of a consistent investment of time and thoughtfulness into the relationship. Each new day, find new ways to bring a smile to your spouse's face."
I am absolutely ecstatic about this advice. Whether you already knew that a happy marriage takes work, or whether you have learned the hard way, or whether you have never heard this before and haven't put much into your marriage - here is the reminder - MARRIAGE ISN'T EASY, BUT IT IS THE GREATEST GIFT TO WORK FOR!
I know that at times it may seem easier to put your needs before your spouses needs, to care only about what it happening in your life, but try against all odds to remember your spouse. Your marriage should always be about the two of you. Whether you have children or are pregnant or have grown children or no children - the most important thing for them and the most important thing for you is to have a Happy Marriage.
A Happy Marriage takes work. It requires self-sacrifice. It requires unending sacrificial love. It requires putting the needs of your spouse before your own. It requires the intentional investment of your time. It requires thoughtfulness. It requires so much, but is so worth it when at the end of the day you and your spouse are of one heart, one mind, and one soul.
You may not always be able to solve all the problems. You may not always find a way to make your spouse smile. You may not always be able to be strong. You may not always be able to sacrifice your needs for your spouse. You may not always be able to do the numerous things you want and need to do for your spouse, but with God's help and your honest intention you will always succeed in making your marriage the best that it can be!
Take the time today to work for your marriage. Take the time tomorrow to work for your marriage. Take the time every day for the rest of your life to work for your marriage. Whether your marriage is in a perfect place right now or not, take the time to work for your marriage. I am not saying that it will be easy. If you are not in a great place right now in your marriage, it is going to be hard work. There are numerous resources available that you can use to help you work at your marriage. My favorite, whether your marriage is in shambles or is perfect right now, is the book Love Dare! It gives you some practical phenomenal ways to love your spouse and work for your marriage. They also have wonderful resources online for couples. I also encourage you to follow the Marriage page on Facebook. It has wonderful daily Christian advice about marriage! A daily reminder that we can all use!
May your Marriage be Happy! Whether you are just starting out in marriage or have been married for years, all you will ever want is a Happy Marriage and you can have one if you invest in the marriage. Start now if you are at the beginning and if you are years in start now because it is never too late to have the Happy Marriage you desired the day you said "I do".
As I recently was reminded by the Marriage page on Facebook, "Happy marriages don't happen by accident. They're the result of a consistent investment of time and thoughtfulness into the relationship. Each new day, find new ways to bring a smile to your spouse's face."
I am absolutely ecstatic about this advice. Whether you already knew that a happy marriage takes work, or whether you have learned the hard way, or whether you have never heard this before and haven't put much into your marriage - here is the reminder - MARRIAGE ISN'T EASY, BUT IT IS THE GREATEST GIFT TO WORK FOR!
I know that at times it may seem easier to put your needs before your spouses needs, to care only about what it happening in your life, but try against all odds to remember your spouse. Your marriage should always be about the two of you. Whether you have children or are pregnant or have grown children or no children - the most important thing for them and the most important thing for you is to have a Happy Marriage.
A Happy Marriage takes work. It requires self-sacrifice. It requires unending sacrificial love. It requires putting the needs of your spouse before your own. It requires the intentional investment of your time. It requires thoughtfulness. It requires so much, but is so worth it when at the end of the day you and your spouse are of one heart, one mind, and one soul.
You may not always be able to solve all the problems. You may not always find a way to make your spouse smile. You may not always be able to be strong. You may not always be able to sacrifice your needs for your spouse. You may not always be able to do the numerous things you want and need to do for your spouse, but with God's help and your honest intention you will always succeed in making your marriage the best that it can be!
Take the time today to work for your marriage. Take the time tomorrow to work for your marriage. Take the time every day for the rest of your life to work for your marriage. Whether your marriage is in a perfect place right now or not, take the time to work for your marriage. I am not saying that it will be easy. If you are not in a great place right now in your marriage, it is going to be hard work. There are numerous resources available that you can use to help you work at your marriage. My favorite, whether your marriage is in shambles or is perfect right now, is the book Love Dare! It gives you some practical phenomenal ways to love your spouse and work for your marriage. They also have wonderful resources online for couples. I also encourage you to follow the Marriage page on Facebook. It has wonderful daily Christian advice about marriage! A daily reminder that we can all use!
May your Marriage be Happy! Whether you are just starting out in marriage or have been married for years, all you will ever want is a Happy Marriage and you can have one if you invest in the marriage. Start now if you are at the beginning and if you are years in start now because it is never too late to have the Happy Marriage you desired the day you said "I do".
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Sweet Gestures
Lately, my darling Husband has begun a trend with me that is something I am sure that everyone could appreciate! During the day, he writes me some sweet text messages or will call me for just one minute to see how my day is going and to remind me that he loves me. If he doesn't do that he offers to help complete some chore around the house, or to pay some bill, or whatever. Sometimes he will get me flowers or take me out to dinner just cause. No matter what he does, I know that it is from the heart and filled with complete love. He doesn't do it every day, nor do I need or want him to do it every day. If he did it every day, they wouldn't be such lovely sweet gifts on the days when he does.
This has really made me think about the fact that the little things in marriage do matter. Often times, I feel like people, myself included, focus on the negative little things in marriage - like when your spouse doesn't finish the dishes or somehow doesn't manage to get his dirty socks into the laundry bin that is seriously two inches away from where he put his socks. The problem isn't that those things are annoying and we notice, the problem is that part of our fallen human condition means that we look for the negative. We subconsciously want someone to fail, someone to prove that they aren't worthy of our attention. It really is quite sad, but it is a part of our nature to some extent.
Therefore, I feel ever more the need to focus on the small positive things that happen. Make the effort, because unfortunately due to our nature we will tend to remember the one negative despite the fifty positives in our relationship. So we need to practice changing our nature. We need to put the positive out there and remember the positives when a negative arises. This doesn't mean that your spouse somehow has a free pass on life now and he can do whatever he wants without it being an issue. It just means that the little pet-peeves or the accidental mistakes shouldn't outweigh all the beautiful little things that he does.
If your spouse doesn't send you sweet messages or call you or bring you flowers, then maybe this is a great time for you to start sending a little love his way. Maybe he was hurt in the past when he brought home a card and you blew it off, maybe the last time he thought about getting you something you were financially strapped. The beautiful thing about these sweet gestures is they can be FREE!! All that matters is that they are from the HEART!!
So send some text message love today or write a little note and put it in their briefcase. If you get home first, try to help your spouse finish something that they needed to get done. If you can drop the mail at the post office, take it. If you can throw the load of laundry in, go for it! If you don't have a chance to do it every day, that is alright - it will make it all the more special on the days when you can do it.
To really "treat" your man, dress up in nice clothes intentionally for him. Pull out that shirt or dress that he loves and wear it this weekend. Or put on some perfume that reminds him of you. If he is going on a business trip - put a little note in his suitcase that he will get to read when he gets there. Send a picture of yourself in the mail to his office, so he gets a piece of positive mail! BE CREATIVE AND LET IT BE FROM THE HEART!
Whether you are both enjoying sweet gestures from each other or not. Now is the time to make sure that you stop making excuses and start changing the relationship with little positives!
This has really made me think about the fact that the little things in marriage do matter. Often times, I feel like people, myself included, focus on the negative little things in marriage - like when your spouse doesn't finish the dishes or somehow doesn't manage to get his dirty socks into the laundry bin that is seriously two inches away from where he put his socks. The problem isn't that those things are annoying and we notice, the problem is that part of our fallen human condition means that we look for the negative. We subconsciously want someone to fail, someone to prove that they aren't worthy of our attention. It really is quite sad, but it is a part of our nature to some extent.
Therefore, I feel ever more the need to focus on the small positive things that happen. Make the effort, because unfortunately due to our nature we will tend to remember the one negative despite the fifty positives in our relationship. So we need to practice changing our nature. We need to put the positive out there and remember the positives when a negative arises. This doesn't mean that your spouse somehow has a free pass on life now and he can do whatever he wants without it being an issue. It just means that the little pet-peeves or the accidental mistakes shouldn't outweigh all the beautiful little things that he does.
If your spouse doesn't send you sweet messages or call you or bring you flowers, then maybe this is a great time for you to start sending a little love his way. Maybe he was hurt in the past when he brought home a card and you blew it off, maybe the last time he thought about getting you something you were financially strapped. The beautiful thing about these sweet gestures is they can be FREE!! All that matters is that they are from the HEART!!
So send some text message love today or write a little note and put it in their briefcase. If you get home first, try to help your spouse finish something that they needed to get done. If you can drop the mail at the post office, take it. If you can throw the load of laundry in, go for it! If you don't have a chance to do it every day, that is alright - it will make it all the more special on the days when you can do it.
To really "treat" your man, dress up in nice clothes intentionally for him. Pull out that shirt or dress that he loves and wear it this weekend. Or put on some perfume that reminds him of you. If he is going on a business trip - put a little note in his suitcase that he will get to read when he gets there. Send a picture of yourself in the mail to his office, so he gets a piece of positive mail! BE CREATIVE AND LET IT BE FROM THE HEART!
Whether you are both enjoying sweet gestures from each other or not. Now is the time to make sure that you stop making excuses and start changing the relationship with little positives!
Friday, May 2, 2014
Finding time to Pray
I don't know about you, but T.J. and I have had such a hard time establishing routines since we got married. It seemed that no matter how ingrained our routines were during High School and College, once we got married we threw all of them out the window.
The hardest routine to keep up with is one of the most vital to our lives and our marriage - prayer. Prayer completely gets tossed to side practically the day you get married. No matter how much you may say, I will keep up my prayer life or that won't happen to me, at some point I think you will realize that if your prayer life hasn't completely fallen to the side, like ours has, that it isn't as strong as it used to be or as strong as you want it to be.
I think that is because Satan wants to destroy the beauty of the Sacrament of Matrimony. As the Priest says when you get married "What God has joined together, let man not put asunder." Man puts their marriage asunder when they forget to have a relationship with the person that bound them together - God. Man - husband and wife - need to cultivate their marriage. They need to cultivate it with the Third Person of their marriage triangle being involved in their lives.
When T.J. and I got married we knew that keeping the Third Person - God - in our lives was vital. Like the famous book Three to Get Married by Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen describes, your marriage takes place with the two of you and God at the center, or another way to describe it would be as three points to a triangle (which is probably my favorite analogy because it mimics the Trinity - Father, Son and Holy Spirit and because I like to view this triangle as God, Wife, Husband and in the space inside the triangle your children who can only survive if the triangle keeps all its points intact - but that's a side story). Anyways, we decided to partake in a beautiful tradition when we got married. We said our vows on a Crucifix and kissed the Crucifix before each other and then we placed the Crucifix in a place of honor in our home to constantly remind us that God bound us together and without a relationship with Him, our relationship will fail. You can read more on this tradition HERE. We rely on Him for the truest example of sacrificial love, the love that He had for us on the Cross.
When T.J. and I remember to pray we pray before this Crucifix which is in our bedroom now and will most likely remain there until we have children and we put it in a place where everyone can view it. This past weekend we had the great privilege of getting to attend one of our good friends wedding. This was like a mini-marriage retreat for us, a reawakening that we need to make things more of a priority in our marriage - especially prayer. When we got back home my wonderful hubby and I had a heart to heart and have recommitted ourselves to making prayer a priority, a habit again in our lives.
Every day this week we have made prayer a priority and I can tell that it is already making a huge difference. The prayer doesn't have to be long, it can be the Rosary or a Novena, it can be a prayer for spouses, for families or it can just be a prayer that you sincerely say from your heart. If praying together seems scary at first or awkward, start by saying the Rosary together. Eventually, work into praying from the heart, discussing in prayer with God what is on your hearts. Ask Him whether you should have a child (or another child), whether you should find another job, what you can do to make your marriage better, what you can do to make life easier for your spouse... the list goes on and on.
I challenge you, like I challenge myself, start making routines, most especially start making the routine of prayer! I promise you that it will be the best decision, the best 30 seconds or 15 minutes that you and your spouse spend in a day. I know because in the past when we have prayed we have felt nothing but blessed - not even necessarily from answered prayers, but mostly from the connection, the deep love, the closeness that we have shared though prayer.
May you make prayer a priority beginning today! Because it does take "Three to Get Married" and it definitely takes Three to Stay Married!
The hardest routine to keep up with is one of the most vital to our lives and our marriage - prayer. Prayer completely gets tossed to side practically the day you get married. No matter how much you may say, I will keep up my prayer life or that won't happen to me, at some point I think you will realize that if your prayer life hasn't completely fallen to the side, like ours has, that it isn't as strong as it used to be or as strong as you want it to be.
I think that is because Satan wants to destroy the beauty of the Sacrament of Matrimony. As the Priest says when you get married "What God has joined together, let man not put asunder." Man puts their marriage asunder when they forget to have a relationship with the person that bound them together - God. Man - husband and wife - need to cultivate their marriage. They need to cultivate it with the Third Person of their marriage triangle being involved in their lives.
When T.J. and I got married we knew that keeping the Third Person - God - in our lives was vital. Like the famous book Three to Get Married by Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen describes, your marriage takes place with the two of you and God at the center, or another way to describe it would be as three points to a triangle (which is probably my favorite analogy because it mimics the Trinity - Father, Son and Holy Spirit and because I like to view this triangle as God, Wife, Husband and in the space inside the triangle your children who can only survive if the triangle keeps all its points intact - but that's a side story). Anyways, we decided to partake in a beautiful tradition when we got married. We said our vows on a Crucifix and kissed the Crucifix before each other and then we placed the Crucifix in a place of honor in our home to constantly remind us that God bound us together and without a relationship with Him, our relationship will fail. You can read more on this tradition HERE. We rely on Him for the truest example of sacrificial love, the love that He had for us on the Cross.
When T.J. and I remember to pray we pray before this Crucifix which is in our bedroom now and will most likely remain there until we have children and we put it in a place where everyone can view it. This past weekend we had the great privilege of getting to attend one of our good friends wedding. This was like a mini-marriage retreat for us, a reawakening that we need to make things more of a priority in our marriage - especially prayer. When we got back home my wonderful hubby and I had a heart to heart and have recommitted ourselves to making prayer a priority, a habit again in our lives.
Every day this week we have made prayer a priority and I can tell that it is already making a huge difference. The prayer doesn't have to be long, it can be the Rosary or a Novena, it can be a prayer for spouses, for families or it can just be a prayer that you sincerely say from your heart. If praying together seems scary at first or awkward, start by saying the Rosary together. Eventually, work into praying from the heart, discussing in prayer with God what is on your hearts. Ask Him whether you should have a child (or another child), whether you should find another job, what you can do to make your marriage better, what you can do to make life easier for your spouse... the list goes on and on.
I challenge you, like I challenge myself, start making routines, most especially start making the routine of prayer! I promise you that it will be the best decision, the best 30 seconds or 15 minutes that you and your spouse spend in a day. I know because in the past when we have prayed we have felt nothing but blessed - not even necessarily from answered prayers, but mostly from the connection, the deep love, the closeness that we have shared though prayer.
May you make prayer a priority beginning today! Because it does take "Three to Get Married" and it definitely takes Three to Stay Married!
Thursday, May 1, 2014
A little bit about Me
Hey All -
My name is Kalen and I decided to begin this blog because I am recently married and I am a lifelong Catholic. My handsome hubby and I got married on July 26, 2013 -- so that means we have only been married for just over 9 months. We definitely can rightly be called "Newlyweds" as we very much are!
Some background on the Hubs and I. We are high school sweethearts. We began dating when we were 17 years old and our first official date was Junior Prom! Wow... that seems like so long ago. We have grown so much together as we completed High School and College. Both T.J. (that's my husband's name) and I decided independently of one another to go to the same College, Benedictine College in Atchison, KS. I went to school for Theology and Youth Ministry and he went to school to be a Chemical Engineer.
We absolutely treasure all of our experiences and the life that we have lived since we got together almost 6 years ago - on May 27th. This blog will reflect back on those years and will focus on our current lives and what we hope our future to be. I hope that this blog allows me to share my love of God and the Church as well as the love that my spouse and I share. I am always open for suggestions on topics relating to the Catholic Church, marriage, or just about anything. I can't say whether or not I will be an expert on whatever I talk about, but these are my thoughts and I hope that you enjoy!
My prayers for all of you!
My name is Kalen and I decided to begin this blog because I am recently married and I am a lifelong Catholic. My handsome hubby and I got married on July 26, 2013 -- so that means we have only been married for just over 9 months. We definitely can rightly be called "Newlyweds" as we very much are!
Some background on the Hubs and I. We are high school sweethearts. We began dating when we were 17 years old and our first official date was Junior Prom! Wow... that seems like so long ago. We have grown so much together as we completed High School and College. Both T.J. (that's my husband's name) and I decided independently of one another to go to the same College, Benedictine College in Atchison, KS. I went to school for Theology and Youth Ministry and he went to school to be a Chemical Engineer.
We absolutely treasure all of our experiences and the life that we have lived since we got together almost 6 years ago - on May 27th. This blog will reflect back on those years and will focus on our current lives and what we hope our future to be. I hope that this blog allows me to share my love of God and the Church as well as the love that my spouse and I share. I am always open for suggestions on topics relating to the Catholic Church, marriage, or just about anything. I can't say whether or not I will be an expert on whatever I talk about, but these are my thoughts and I hope that you enjoy!
My prayers for all of you!
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