According to an article, the number one thing that couples fight about is Money... turns out the song "it's all about the money, money, money" really is what it is all about. The article states that couples argue on average about three times a month on finances.
I don't dispute the findings, I do think that most couples fight about money. The sad thing is that it really doesn't have to be that way! The article indicates that most of the arguments are over unexpected expenses and insufficient savings. And disputes like this that occur once a week or more put the couple at an increased risk of divorce. The number one thing to help alleviate the problem is talking about money with your spouse. If you avoid it, you either make the issue worse or you create the issue to begin with. The article says that over 50 percent of couples don't set aside time to talk about financial issues and "three in 10 adults admitted to lying about finances."
Now I would never tell someone what they should or shouldn't do, but T.J. and I have never had any money issues. We took a class before we got married on finances (in case you are wondering it was a Dave Ramsey course) and while we don't follow the course to a "T", I do recommend taking a financial course with your soon-to-be spouse because it starts the discussion before you tie the knot. If you are already married, I would still recommend taking a financial course or reading a financial book, specifically ones with a Christian perspective because they will be more honest.
After taking a course or reading a book or two, talk about your money. Discuss what is coming in every month and what is going out. I recommend a budget, but T.J. and I don't use a hard set budget - we know how much we have to pay for specific expenses and how much we are going to put into savings and we let the rest fall where it may. I don't recommend this for everyone and once we have children we will probably follow a more strict budget, but right now we aren't hurting without it.
Once you set a budget or at least talk through your expenses make sure that you both are on the same page about it and that you are paying back your debt, covering your current expenses, and saving for the future in both a regular savings and an emergency fund - that way you can avoid the stress and fights over the unexpected expenses and you have a well stocked savings.
Also, I highly recommend that you and your spouse have a joint savings, joint checking, and joint emergency fund. I do not think that it is conducive to your health as a couple to have separate finances. If you have your money over here and your spouse has his money over there, then you are keeping secret from your spouse something that in todays world we can't live without. I understand that some people have their reasons for it, but I don't think it is a healthy habit and I believe that it would make financial conversations more difficult.
My belief is when you get married there is no mine and yours anymore, it is ours, and if you treat everything that way, from your cars, to your computers, to your money, then you will have a happier marriage because you won't be competing with your love!
If you haven't talked about finances with your spouse or if you have but it has been a while, take the time today or this week and make it a priority. See where your spending habits could be changed and see where you are doing good! Most importantly be on the same page about finances and make sure that whatever you decide about your money that BOTH OF YOU are happy and agree with your plan - that both of your voices were heard and you both feel satisfied with it! Happy Budgeting!
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Take a Picture
I have tried to take a picture of every adventure that T.J. and I have gone on since we started dating, but especially since we have gotten married because it is fun to look back and see all the places that we have gone and things that we have seen. It reminds me that we have done a lot, even though we haven't traveled overseas or gone very far in the U.S., we have done a lot close to home and that is a blessing!
When you are bored or feel like you never get to do anything, which happens to me more than I would like to admit because we live in a small town, I like to look back though these pictures. I look back at the ones from the very beginning, but most especially the ones that we have taken since we got married and moved here. It is that reminder I need!
More importantly than a picture of the places you have gone or things that you have seen is a picture of you and your hubby in that moment. Even if you look gross because you went on a 10 mile hike and you are all sweaty, take the picture with you and your man in the frame. I promise, when you look back at it you wont think, "well I look disgusting", you will think, "I remember how great that day was." "I remember the sun, the beautiful animals that we saw, the smile that he gave me, the way he helped me climb up that rock..." That is what you will remember!
What is truly beautiful about taking a picture with your hubby, even if you just have a great night at home (remember to snap photos then too), is that you have a constant reminder of the love that you share with your spouse. On the days when you don't feel good or you and your spouse had a disagreement or when you are loving your spouse and want to feel the "love high", look back at these photos and remember the happy loving moments that you share!
I promise that no matter what has happened, no matter why you looked back through them, you will not regret it - it will make your day better! It will help you forgive your spouse, it will help you love your spouse more, it will encourage you to plan another adventure, it will ... Ultimately, it will be just what you needed!
Take a picture with your spouse today and remember to take them often, so when you look back at life you see nothing but happiness, even if it wasn't all smiles getting to where you are today!
When you are bored or feel like you never get to do anything, which happens to me more than I would like to admit because we live in a small town, I like to look back though these pictures. I look back at the ones from the very beginning, but most especially the ones that we have taken since we got married and moved here. It is that reminder I need!
More importantly than a picture of the places you have gone or things that you have seen is a picture of you and your hubby in that moment. Even if you look gross because you went on a 10 mile hike and you are all sweaty, take the picture with you and your man in the frame. I promise, when you look back at it you wont think, "well I look disgusting", you will think, "I remember how great that day was." "I remember the sun, the beautiful animals that we saw, the smile that he gave me, the way he helped me climb up that rock..." That is what you will remember!
What is truly beautiful about taking a picture with your hubby, even if you just have a great night at home (remember to snap photos then too), is that you have a constant reminder of the love that you share with your spouse. On the days when you don't feel good or you and your spouse had a disagreement or when you are loving your spouse and want to feel the "love high", look back at these photos and remember the happy loving moments that you share!
I promise that no matter what has happened, no matter why you looked back through them, you will not regret it - it will make your day better! It will help you forgive your spouse, it will help you love your spouse more, it will encourage you to plan another adventure, it will ... Ultimately, it will be just what you needed!
Take a picture with your spouse today and remember to take them often, so when you look back at life you see nothing but happiness, even if it wasn't all smiles getting to where you are today!
Monday, June 16, 2014
Father's Day
Yesterday was Father's Day and it was also the Solemnity of the Holy Trinity. What a beautiful day to celebrate two amazing things. The Holy Trinity is the epitome of the family and how a Father loves His Son so much that that the Holy Spirit pours forth from that love. This image is beautiful because it reminds us of the love that your earthly father should have for you. A father should love his children so much that that love should be evident to all.
I am not saying that sometimes your father may fail and I am not saying there are not imperfect fathers, some worse than others, but whether your father loved you as they ought or not, you will always have a Father who loves you in Heaven. Who gave up His Only Son for you! As the Gospel reading reminded us yesterday, "God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life..." (John 3:16-18). As a father you should strive to love as our Heavenly Father loves.
Whether you are a Great-Grandfather, Grandfather, Father, whether your baby is in the womb or grown and has children of their own. Whether you have had a relationship with your child or not. Whether you were brave and gave them up for the sake of them having a better life or whether you tried to raise them, but didn't do it well. Whether you had children of your own or choose to be the father of many children through the Priesthood. No matter how you have a role as a Father, you have made a difference in the world. You brought into the world an irreplaceable gift. You raised in the world an irreplaceable person. You challenged a person to love and live in the world. You offered them faith in their Heavenly Father and gave them a desire to know and love Him more. You have done so many countless things for your children that you do not even realize.
Today I am thankful for my earthly Father who has loved me, guided me, taught me, encouraged me, toughened me up, brought me up in the faith, provided for me, and so many countless other things. Everything that my Dad has done for me I am so thankful for. I am also thankful for my Heavenly Father who ordained for all eternity that I would get to have my Dad as my Dad. My Heavenly Father who has loved me and guided me in the faith, who has put within me a flame to know and love him more. With my earthly Daddy and my Heavenly Father I have and will always feel loved!
Today I look forward to the future, when my wonderful Husband will be a father. Today I look forward to the day when my children will get to call him Daddy and my Father and Father-in-Law Grandpa. Today I look forward to the day when my children will have the opportunity to love their Heavenly Father and know without a shadow of a doubt that they will always have a Father.
Whether you did yesterday or not, take the time today to thank your Dad, your Heavenly Father, and all the Priests who have impacted your life!
I am not saying that sometimes your father may fail and I am not saying there are not imperfect fathers, some worse than others, but whether your father loved you as they ought or not, you will always have a Father who loves you in Heaven. Who gave up His Only Son for you! As the Gospel reading reminded us yesterday, "God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life..." (John 3:16-18). As a father you should strive to love as our Heavenly Father loves.
Whether you are a Great-Grandfather, Grandfather, Father, whether your baby is in the womb or grown and has children of their own. Whether you have had a relationship with your child or not. Whether you were brave and gave them up for the sake of them having a better life or whether you tried to raise them, but didn't do it well. Whether you had children of your own or choose to be the father of many children through the Priesthood. No matter how you have a role as a Father, you have made a difference in the world. You brought into the world an irreplaceable gift. You raised in the world an irreplaceable person. You challenged a person to love and live in the world. You offered them faith in their Heavenly Father and gave them a desire to know and love Him more. You have done so many countless things for your children that you do not even realize.
Today I am thankful for my earthly Father who has loved me, guided me, taught me, encouraged me, toughened me up, brought me up in the faith, provided for me, and so many countless other things. Everything that my Dad has done for me I am so thankful for. I am also thankful for my Heavenly Father who ordained for all eternity that I would get to have my Dad as my Dad. My Heavenly Father who has loved me and guided me in the faith, who has put within me a flame to know and love him more. With my earthly Daddy and my Heavenly Father I have and will always feel loved!
Today I look forward to the future, when my wonderful Husband will be a father. Today I look forward to the day when my children will get to call him Daddy and my Father and Father-in-Law Grandpa. Today I look forward to the day when my children will have the opportunity to love their Heavenly Father and know without a shadow of a doubt that they will always have a Father.
Whether you did yesterday or not, take the time today to thank your Dad, your Heavenly Father, and all the Priests who have impacted your life!
Monday, May 19, 2014
Fit Together
Two weeks ago today a fitness challenge began at T.J.'s work. They are in teams and have to walk, bike, run, whatever so many minutes that equate to miles and they have a certain amount of miles that they have to reach. Each team is trying to hit that mile mark first. Long story short, I have become part of T.J.'s motivation to get in as many hours in a week as possible.
I won't lie, some days we don't feel like doing anything and it is hard to motivate ourselves to go, some days we have been busy doing other things and we don't get the time in. But, we try to make up the time if we don't get to it every night. I have noticed that on the days that T.J. and I have worked out together we have been happier with each other the rest of the day and the following days even if we don't get to work out - which is an awesome benefit!! Plus I love the fact that my "workout buddy" is my best friend!
Our main form of working out is walking. It is easy to do and we don't have to pay for a gym membership, so we like to walk. Some days we will change it up a little and try to jog (which I usually am not very good at) or we will ride our bikes. When we walk we have the opportunity to not only get our bodies into better shape, increase our heart rate a little, but it is an awesome opportunity to communicate with one another. This is definitely a chance to have intentional time together with no technology!! I have read that working out also lowers your stress level, which is an added bonus! If you would like to read more about the benefits of working out together this article describes all the top benefits I was able to find when I did a web search - Why Couples Who Sweat Together Stay Together.
Long story short, I recommend working out - and if possible, work out with your spouse. Go outside for a walk, this is the perfect time of the year because the weather is so beautiful right now, go for an evening walk with your spouse. It is a great time for you to strengthen your relationship and you will notice that once you start walking and talking you will be able to walk farther and have higher stamina while you are together.
Some things to keep in mind.
1. Try to be consistent when it comes to working out. I know that things will come up, like a dinner with your friends or your family visiting, but try your hardest to be consistent. A great way to do this is to put your workout time onto a calendar so that you workout at the same time every day or every other day.
2. Use this time as a way to support each other and to communicate with each other. Talk about encouraging things and talk positively about the progress you both are making. Also encourage each other to push a little harder, but don't make it stressful, always keep it positive!
3. Have fun. The most important part about it is that you believe in one another, support one another and make it an enjoyable experience.
Whether your job has a challenge like T.J.'s job or not, is not what is important. The important thing for any person striving to be healthy is to exercise. Do whatever method meshes best with your body, your environment, etc. Because honestly it doesn't really matter how you choose to exercise, but that you do it with your spouse. So let the love between you grow as your bodies become fit together!
I won't lie, some days we don't feel like doing anything and it is hard to motivate ourselves to go, some days we have been busy doing other things and we don't get the time in. But, we try to make up the time if we don't get to it every night. I have noticed that on the days that T.J. and I have worked out together we have been happier with each other the rest of the day and the following days even if we don't get to work out - which is an awesome benefit!! Plus I love the fact that my "workout buddy" is my best friend!
Our main form of working out is walking. It is easy to do and we don't have to pay for a gym membership, so we like to walk. Some days we will change it up a little and try to jog (which I usually am not very good at) or we will ride our bikes. When we walk we have the opportunity to not only get our bodies into better shape, increase our heart rate a little, but it is an awesome opportunity to communicate with one another. This is definitely a chance to have intentional time together with no technology!! I have read that working out also lowers your stress level, which is an added bonus! If you would like to read more about the benefits of working out together this article describes all the top benefits I was able to find when I did a web search - Why Couples Who Sweat Together Stay Together.
Long story short, I recommend working out - and if possible, work out with your spouse. Go outside for a walk, this is the perfect time of the year because the weather is so beautiful right now, go for an evening walk with your spouse. It is a great time for you to strengthen your relationship and you will notice that once you start walking and talking you will be able to walk farther and have higher stamina while you are together.
Some things to keep in mind.
1. Try to be consistent when it comes to working out. I know that things will come up, like a dinner with your friends or your family visiting, but try your hardest to be consistent. A great way to do this is to put your workout time onto a calendar so that you workout at the same time every day or every other day.
2. Use this time as a way to support each other and to communicate with each other. Talk about encouraging things and talk positively about the progress you both are making. Also encourage each other to push a little harder, but don't make it stressful, always keep it positive!
3. Have fun. The most important part about it is that you believe in one another, support one another and make it an enjoyable experience.
Whether your job has a challenge like T.J.'s job or not, is not what is important. The important thing for any person striving to be healthy is to exercise. Do whatever method meshes best with your body, your environment, etc. Because honestly it doesn't really matter how you choose to exercise, but that you do it with your spouse. So let the love between you grow as your bodies become fit together!
Thursday, May 15, 2014
It Takes Work
It takes work to have a Happy Marriage. You don't just wake up and go through the daily grind and somehow expect your marriage to be the best thing ever -- something that is just going to tag along on your daily commute and come out at the end of the day with a smile larger than how it began.
As I recently was reminded by the Marriage page on Facebook, "Happy marriages don't happen by accident. They're the result of a consistent investment of time and thoughtfulness into the relationship. Each new day, find new ways to bring a smile to your spouse's face."
I am absolutely ecstatic about this advice. Whether you already knew that a happy marriage takes work, or whether you have learned the hard way, or whether you have never heard this before and haven't put much into your marriage - here is the reminder - MARRIAGE ISN'T EASY, BUT IT IS THE GREATEST GIFT TO WORK FOR!
I know that at times it may seem easier to put your needs before your spouses needs, to care only about what it happening in your life, but try against all odds to remember your spouse. Your marriage should always be about the two of you. Whether you have children or are pregnant or have grown children or no children - the most important thing for them and the most important thing for you is to have a Happy Marriage.
A Happy Marriage takes work. It requires self-sacrifice. It requires unending sacrificial love. It requires putting the needs of your spouse before your own. It requires the intentional investment of your time. It requires thoughtfulness. It requires so much, but is so worth it when at the end of the day you and your spouse are of one heart, one mind, and one soul.
You may not always be able to solve all the problems. You may not always find a way to make your spouse smile. You may not always be able to be strong. You may not always be able to sacrifice your needs for your spouse. You may not always be able to do the numerous things you want and need to do for your spouse, but with God's help and your honest intention you will always succeed in making your marriage the best that it can be!
Take the time today to work for your marriage. Take the time tomorrow to work for your marriage. Take the time every day for the rest of your life to work for your marriage. Whether your marriage is in a perfect place right now or not, take the time to work for your marriage. I am not saying that it will be easy. If you are not in a great place right now in your marriage, it is going to be hard work. There are numerous resources available that you can use to help you work at your marriage. My favorite, whether your marriage is in shambles or is perfect right now, is the book Love Dare! It gives you some practical phenomenal ways to love your spouse and work for your marriage. They also have wonderful resources online for couples. I also encourage you to follow the Marriage page on Facebook. It has wonderful daily Christian advice about marriage! A daily reminder that we can all use!
May your Marriage be Happy! Whether you are just starting out in marriage or have been married for years, all you will ever want is a Happy Marriage and you can have one if you invest in the marriage. Start now if you are at the beginning and if you are years in start now because it is never too late to have the Happy Marriage you desired the day you said "I do".
As I recently was reminded by the Marriage page on Facebook, "Happy marriages don't happen by accident. They're the result of a consistent investment of time and thoughtfulness into the relationship. Each new day, find new ways to bring a smile to your spouse's face."
I am absolutely ecstatic about this advice. Whether you already knew that a happy marriage takes work, or whether you have learned the hard way, or whether you have never heard this before and haven't put much into your marriage - here is the reminder - MARRIAGE ISN'T EASY, BUT IT IS THE GREATEST GIFT TO WORK FOR!
I know that at times it may seem easier to put your needs before your spouses needs, to care only about what it happening in your life, but try against all odds to remember your spouse. Your marriage should always be about the two of you. Whether you have children or are pregnant or have grown children or no children - the most important thing for them and the most important thing for you is to have a Happy Marriage.
A Happy Marriage takes work. It requires self-sacrifice. It requires unending sacrificial love. It requires putting the needs of your spouse before your own. It requires the intentional investment of your time. It requires thoughtfulness. It requires so much, but is so worth it when at the end of the day you and your spouse are of one heart, one mind, and one soul.
You may not always be able to solve all the problems. You may not always find a way to make your spouse smile. You may not always be able to be strong. You may not always be able to sacrifice your needs for your spouse. You may not always be able to do the numerous things you want and need to do for your spouse, but with God's help and your honest intention you will always succeed in making your marriage the best that it can be!
Take the time today to work for your marriage. Take the time tomorrow to work for your marriage. Take the time every day for the rest of your life to work for your marriage. Whether your marriage is in a perfect place right now or not, take the time to work for your marriage. I am not saying that it will be easy. If you are not in a great place right now in your marriage, it is going to be hard work. There are numerous resources available that you can use to help you work at your marriage. My favorite, whether your marriage is in shambles or is perfect right now, is the book Love Dare! It gives you some practical phenomenal ways to love your spouse and work for your marriage. They also have wonderful resources online for couples. I also encourage you to follow the Marriage page on Facebook. It has wonderful daily Christian advice about marriage! A daily reminder that we can all use!
May your Marriage be Happy! Whether you are just starting out in marriage or have been married for years, all you will ever want is a Happy Marriage and you can have one if you invest in the marriage. Start now if you are at the beginning and if you are years in start now because it is never too late to have the Happy Marriage you desired the day you said "I do".
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Visiting the Family
First, let me start off by saying I am sorry I did not post on Friday! I had absolutely every intention of posting and then by the time I was able to after I finished cleaning up and packing, we had to leave for the airport. And then I tried to get this post up Monday and yesterday, but it just didn't happen!!
Anyhow, as I mentioned the reason that I didn't post on Friday or Monday or yesterday was because we flew home (well I guess our old home) in order to attend my younger brother's Confirmation! Of course, we also got to visit with family and as an added bonus, we were able to spend Mother's Day with our Moms! And then my parents came out to pick up my sister from College and visit from Monday until today!
Let me start off talking about the most important part of the trip. We had the privilege to witness my younger brother make a promise before God and the Church that he would live the Catholic Life, no matter the consequence - whether that is loss of friends, persecution, etc. I am so incredibly proud of my brother and who he has become and his witness to the faith. He has and continues to be an inspiration to me and T.J.! The actual Confirmation Mass was beautiful and the homily really got to the heart of the matter. The Priest reminded us that once you are Confirmed you don't stop going to Church, you don't hide in your room and stop practicing the faith. You go out and shout the Good News to all. My brother took the name Benedict as his Confirmation Saint. How incredibly beautiful to see how St. Benedict has made his way into my brother's life. St. Benedict, pray for him!
So, we had the honor of visiting family. Family is very important to me and despite the fact that for right now at least we live away from them, I try to spend quality time with them when I am around them and to make an effort to spend quality time with them on the phone or on Skype or through whatever method I can. While I don't always talk with my grandparents and cousins, I try to stay connected with my parents and siblings, both my biological and in-laws, as much as possible. Therefore, I am so glad when I get to spend time with them when we travel home or when they travel here. I won't lie, sometimes visiting home is more stressful than relaxing and that is because we have to or want to visit with everyone in the family. I really don't like that part. I love the fact that I have in-laws and a larger family now, but it is so difficult to be home for a short weekend and spend any quality time with anyone it seems. But we do try!
We also really valued getting to spend Mother's Day with our Mom's. The past four years we have missed Mother's Day due to finishing the school year, so it was quite a treat to honor the women who said yes to life and gave us the ability to be a part of this world and teach us how to be adults. We are so thankful for their love and encouragement in our lives.
I truly appreciate the time I get to have with my family. I encourage you to remember to hold your family close, both physically and mentally. Whether you get to see them on a regular basis or not, be close to your family. Teach each other to be holier. Strive to be a domestic church. Never stop running towards God, and always remember that when you are married your family will only function the way it is supposed to if you and your spouse are working together and that relationship is constantly being built up. And if you haven't talked to someone in your family in a while, give them a call or if you are close enough, stop in and say hi. You don't need to see every person in your family all the time or talk to them every week. If you go a few days without talking to your parents or your immediate family, that is okay - what matters is that you have a genuine relationship with them! But never forget to have a daily relationship with your spouse, they are the most important family you will ever have!
May you and your family be richly blessed!
P.S. I just finished reading Consuming the Word by Scott Hahn on the airplane. It is an absolutely wonderful book that articulately describes the Word, the Eucharist, the Mass, and Scripture. If you are looking for a good read, I highly recommend!
Anyhow, as I mentioned the reason that I didn't post on Friday or Monday or yesterday was because we flew home (well I guess our old home) in order to attend my younger brother's Confirmation! Of course, we also got to visit with family and as an added bonus, we were able to spend Mother's Day with our Moms! And then my parents came out to pick up my sister from College and visit from Monday until today!
Let me start off talking about the most important part of the trip. We had the privilege to witness my younger brother make a promise before God and the Church that he would live the Catholic Life, no matter the consequence - whether that is loss of friends, persecution, etc. I am so incredibly proud of my brother and who he has become and his witness to the faith. He has and continues to be an inspiration to me and T.J.! The actual Confirmation Mass was beautiful and the homily really got to the heart of the matter. The Priest reminded us that once you are Confirmed you don't stop going to Church, you don't hide in your room and stop practicing the faith. You go out and shout the Good News to all. My brother took the name Benedict as his Confirmation Saint. How incredibly beautiful to see how St. Benedict has made his way into my brother's life. St. Benedict, pray for him!
So, we had the honor of visiting family. Family is very important to me and despite the fact that for right now at least we live away from them, I try to spend quality time with them when I am around them and to make an effort to spend quality time with them on the phone or on Skype or through whatever method I can. While I don't always talk with my grandparents and cousins, I try to stay connected with my parents and siblings, both my biological and in-laws, as much as possible. Therefore, I am so glad when I get to spend time with them when we travel home or when they travel here. I won't lie, sometimes visiting home is more stressful than relaxing and that is because we have to or want to visit with everyone in the family. I really don't like that part. I love the fact that I have in-laws and a larger family now, but it is so difficult to be home for a short weekend and spend any quality time with anyone it seems. But we do try!
We also really valued getting to spend Mother's Day with our Mom's. The past four years we have missed Mother's Day due to finishing the school year, so it was quite a treat to honor the women who said yes to life and gave us the ability to be a part of this world and teach us how to be adults. We are so thankful for their love and encouragement in our lives.
I truly appreciate the time I get to have with my family. I encourage you to remember to hold your family close, both physically and mentally. Whether you get to see them on a regular basis or not, be close to your family. Teach each other to be holier. Strive to be a domestic church. Never stop running towards God, and always remember that when you are married your family will only function the way it is supposed to if you and your spouse are working together and that relationship is constantly being built up. And if you haven't talked to someone in your family in a while, give them a call or if you are close enough, stop in and say hi. You don't need to see every person in your family all the time or talk to them every week. If you go a few days without talking to your parents or your immediate family, that is okay - what matters is that you have a genuine relationship with them! But never forget to have a daily relationship with your spouse, they are the most important family you will ever have!
May you and your family be richly blessed!
P.S. I just finished reading Consuming the Word by Scott Hahn on the airplane. It is an absolutely wonderful book that articulately describes the Word, the Eucharist, the Mass, and Scripture. If you are looking for a good read, I highly recommend!
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Sweet Gestures
Lately, my darling Husband has begun a trend with me that is something I am sure that everyone could appreciate! During the day, he writes me some sweet text messages or will call me for just one minute to see how my day is going and to remind me that he loves me. If he doesn't do that he offers to help complete some chore around the house, or to pay some bill, or whatever. Sometimes he will get me flowers or take me out to dinner just cause. No matter what he does, I know that it is from the heart and filled with complete love. He doesn't do it every day, nor do I need or want him to do it every day. If he did it every day, they wouldn't be such lovely sweet gifts on the days when he does.
This has really made me think about the fact that the little things in marriage do matter. Often times, I feel like people, myself included, focus on the negative little things in marriage - like when your spouse doesn't finish the dishes or somehow doesn't manage to get his dirty socks into the laundry bin that is seriously two inches away from where he put his socks. The problem isn't that those things are annoying and we notice, the problem is that part of our fallen human condition means that we look for the negative. We subconsciously want someone to fail, someone to prove that they aren't worthy of our attention. It really is quite sad, but it is a part of our nature to some extent.
Therefore, I feel ever more the need to focus on the small positive things that happen. Make the effort, because unfortunately due to our nature we will tend to remember the one negative despite the fifty positives in our relationship. So we need to practice changing our nature. We need to put the positive out there and remember the positives when a negative arises. This doesn't mean that your spouse somehow has a free pass on life now and he can do whatever he wants without it being an issue. It just means that the little pet-peeves or the accidental mistakes shouldn't outweigh all the beautiful little things that he does.
If your spouse doesn't send you sweet messages or call you or bring you flowers, then maybe this is a great time for you to start sending a little love his way. Maybe he was hurt in the past when he brought home a card and you blew it off, maybe the last time he thought about getting you something you were financially strapped. The beautiful thing about these sweet gestures is they can be FREE!! All that matters is that they are from the HEART!!
So send some text message love today or write a little note and put it in their briefcase. If you get home first, try to help your spouse finish something that they needed to get done. If you can drop the mail at the post office, take it. If you can throw the load of laundry in, go for it! If you don't have a chance to do it every day, that is alright - it will make it all the more special on the days when you can do it.
To really "treat" your man, dress up in nice clothes intentionally for him. Pull out that shirt or dress that he loves and wear it this weekend. Or put on some perfume that reminds him of you. If he is going on a business trip - put a little note in his suitcase that he will get to read when he gets there. Send a picture of yourself in the mail to his office, so he gets a piece of positive mail! BE CREATIVE AND LET IT BE FROM THE HEART!
Whether you are both enjoying sweet gestures from each other or not. Now is the time to make sure that you stop making excuses and start changing the relationship with little positives!
This has really made me think about the fact that the little things in marriage do matter. Often times, I feel like people, myself included, focus on the negative little things in marriage - like when your spouse doesn't finish the dishes or somehow doesn't manage to get his dirty socks into the laundry bin that is seriously two inches away from where he put his socks. The problem isn't that those things are annoying and we notice, the problem is that part of our fallen human condition means that we look for the negative. We subconsciously want someone to fail, someone to prove that they aren't worthy of our attention. It really is quite sad, but it is a part of our nature to some extent.
Therefore, I feel ever more the need to focus on the small positive things that happen. Make the effort, because unfortunately due to our nature we will tend to remember the one negative despite the fifty positives in our relationship. So we need to practice changing our nature. We need to put the positive out there and remember the positives when a negative arises. This doesn't mean that your spouse somehow has a free pass on life now and he can do whatever he wants without it being an issue. It just means that the little pet-peeves or the accidental mistakes shouldn't outweigh all the beautiful little things that he does.
If your spouse doesn't send you sweet messages or call you or bring you flowers, then maybe this is a great time for you to start sending a little love his way. Maybe he was hurt in the past when he brought home a card and you blew it off, maybe the last time he thought about getting you something you were financially strapped. The beautiful thing about these sweet gestures is they can be FREE!! All that matters is that they are from the HEART!!
So send some text message love today or write a little note and put it in their briefcase. If you get home first, try to help your spouse finish something that they needed to get done. If you can drop the mail at the post office, take it. If you can throw the load of laundry in, go for it! If you don't have a chance to do it every day, that is alright - it will make it all the more special on the days when you can do it.
To really "treat" your man, dress up in nice clothes intentionally for him. Pull out that shirt or dress that he loves and wear it this weekend. Or put on some perfume that reminds him of you. If he is going on a business trip - put a little note in his suitcase that he will get to read when he gets there. Send a picture of yourself in the mail to his office, so he gets a piece of positive mail! BE CREATIVE AND LET IT BE FROM THE HEART!
Whether you are both enjoying sweet gestures from each other or not. Now is the time to make sure that you stop making excuses and start changing the relationship with little positives!
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