According to an article, the number one thing that couples fight about is Money... turns out the song "it's all about the money, money, money" really is what it is all about. The article states that couples argue on average about three times a month on finances.
I don't dispute the findings, I do think that most couples fight about money. The sad thing is that it really doesn't have to be that way! The article indicates that most of the arguments are over unexpected expenses and insufficient savings. And disputes like this that occur once a week or more put the couple at an increased risk of divorce. The number one thing to help alleviate the problem is talking about money with your spouse. If you avoid it, you either make the issue worse or you create the issue to begin with. The article says that over 50 percent of couples don't set aside time to talk about financial issues and "three in 10 adults admitted to lying about finances."
Now I would never tell someone what they should or shouldn't do, but T.J. and I have never had any money issues. We took a class before we got married on finances (in case you are wondering it was a Dave Ramsey course) and while we don't follow the course to a "T", I do recommend taking a financial course with your soon-to-be spouse because it starts the discussion before you tie the knot. If you are already married, I would still recommend taking a financial course or reading a financial book, specifically ones with a Christian perspective because they will be more honest.
After taking a course or reading a book or two, talk about your money. Discuss what is coming in every month and what is going out. I recommend a budget, but T.J. and I don't use a hard set budget - we know how much we have to pay for specific expenses and how much we are going to put into savings and we let the rest fall where it may. I don't recommend this for everyone and once we have children we will probably follow a more strict budget, but right now we aren't hurting without it.
Once you set a budget or at least talk through your expenses make sure that you both are on the same page about it and that you are paying back your debt, covering your current expenses, and saving for the future in both a regular savings and an emergency fund - that way you can avoid the stress and fights over the unexpected expenses and you have a well stocked savings.
Also, I highly recommend that you and your spouse have a joint savings, joint checking, and joint emergency fund. I do not think that it is conducive to your health as a couple to have separate finances. If you have your money over here and your spouse has his money over there, then you are keeping secret from your spouse something that in todays world we can't live without. I understand that some people have their reasons for it, but I don't think it is a healthy habit and I believe that it would make financial conversations more difficult.
My belief is when you get married there is no mine and yours anymore, it is ours, and if you treat everything that way, from your cars, to your computers, to your money, then you will have a happier marriage because you won't be competing with your love!
If you haven't talked about finances with your spouse or if you have but it has been a while, take the time today or this week and make it a priority. See where your spending habits could be changed and see where you are doing good! Most importantly be on the same page about finances and make sure that whatever you decide about your money that BOTH OF YOU are happy and agree with your plan - that both of your voices were heard and you both feel satisfied with it! Happy Budgeting!
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Take a Picture
I have tried to take a picture of every adventure that T.J. and I have gone on since we started dating, but especially since we have gotten married because it is fun to look back and see all the places that we have gone and things that we have seen. It reminds me that we have done a lot, even though we haven't traveled overseas or gone very far in the U.S., we have done a lot close to home and that is a blessing!
When you are bored or feel like you never get to do anything, which happens to me more than I would like to admit because we live in a small town, I like to look back though these pictures. I look back at the ones from the very beginning, but most especially the ones that we have taken since we got married and moved here. It is that reminder I need!
More importantly than a picture of the places you have gone or things that you have seen is a picture of you and your hubby in that moment. Even if you look gross because you went on a 10 mile hike and you are all sweaty, take the picture with you and your man in the frame. I promise, when you look back at it you wont think, "well I look disgusting", you will think, "I remember how great that day was." "I remember the sun, the beautiful animals that we saw, the smile that he gave me, the way he helped me climb up that rock..." That is what you will remember!
What is truly beautiful about taking a picture with your hubby, even if you just have a great night at home (remember to snap photos then too), is that you have a constant reminder of the love that you share with your spouse. On the days when you don't feel good or you and your spouse had a disagreement or when you are loving your spouse and want to feel the "love high", look back at these photos and remember the happy loving moments that you share!
I promise that no matter what has happened, no matter why you looked back through them, you will not regret it - it will make your day better! It will help you forgive your spouse, it will help you love your spouse more, it will encourage you to plan another adventure, it will ... Ultimately, it will be just what you needed!
Take a picture with your spouse today and remember to take them often, so when you look back at life you see nothing but happiness, even if it wasn't all smiles getting to where you are today!
When you are bored or feel like you never get to do anything, which happens to me more than I would like to admit because we live in a small town, I like to look back though these pictures. I look back at the ones from the very beginning, but most especially the ones that we have taken since we got married and moved here. It is that reminder I need!
More importantly than a picture of the places you have gone or things that you have seen is a picture of you and your hubby in that moment. Even if you look gross because you went on a 10 mile hike and you are all sweaty, take the picture with you and your man in the frame. I promise, when you look back at it you wont think, "well I look disgusting", you will think, "I remember how great that day was." "I remember the sun, the beautiful animals that we saw, the smile that he gave me, the way he helped me climb up that rock..." That is what you will remember!
What is truly beautiful about taking a picture with your hubby, even if you just have a great night at home (remember to snap photos then too), is that you have a constant reminder of the love that you share with your spouse. On the days when you don't feel good or you and your spouse had a disagreement or when you are loving your spouse and want to feel the "love high", look back at these photos and remember the happy loving moments that you share!
I promise that no matter what has happened, no matter why you looked back through them, you will not regret it - it will make your day better! It will help you forgive your spouse, it will help you love your spouse more, it will encourage you to plan another adventure, it will ... Ultimately, it will be just what you needed!
Take a picture with your spouse today and remember to take them often, so when you look back at life you see nothing but happiness, even if it wasn't all smiles getting to where you are today!
Monday, June 16, 2014
Father's Day
Yesterday was Father's Day and it was also the Solemnity of the Holy Trinity. What a beautiful day to celebrate two amazing things. The Holy Trinity is the epitome of the family and how a Father loves His Son so much that that the Holy Spirit pours forth from that love. This image is beautiful because it reminds us of the love that your earthly father should have for you. A father should love his children so much that that love should be evident to all.
I am not saying that sometimes your father may fail and I am not saying there are not imperfect fathers, some worse than others, but whether your father loved you as they ought or not, you will always have a Father who loves you in Heaven. Who gave up His Only Son for you! As the Gospel reading reminded us yesterday, "God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life..." (John 3:16-18). As a father you should strive to love as our Heavenly Father loves.
Whether you are a Great-Grandfather, Grandfather, Father, whether your baby is in the womb or grown and has children of their own. Whether you have had a relationship with your child or not. Whether you were brave and gave them up for the sake of them having a better life or whether you tried to raise them, but didn't do it well. Whether you had children of your own or choose to be the father of many children through the Priesthood. No matter how you have a role as a Father, you have made a difference in the world. You brought into the world an irreplaceable gift. You raised in the world an irreplaceable person. You challenged a person to love and live in the world. You offered them faith in their Heavenly Father and gave them a desire to know and love Him more. You have done so many countless things for your children that you do not even realize.
Today I am thankful for my earthly Father who has loved me, guided me, taught me, encouraged me, toughened me up, brought me up in the faith, provided for me, and so many countless other things. Everything that my Dad has done for me I am so thankful for. I am also thankful for my Heavenly Father who ordained for all eternity that I would get to have my Dad as my Dad. My Heavenly Father who has loved me and guided me in the faith, who has put within me a flame to know and love him more. With my earthly Daddy and my Heavenly Father I have and will always feel loved!
Today I look forward to the future, when my wonderful Husband will be a father. Today I look forward to the day when my children will get to call him Daddy and my Father and Father-in-Law Grandpa. Today I look forward to the day when my children will have the opportunity to love their Heavenly Father and know without a shadow of a doubt that they will always have a Father.
Whether you did yesterday or not, take the time today to thank your Dad, your Heavenly Father, and all the Priests who have impacted your life!
I am not saying that sometimes your father may fail and I am not saying there are not imperfect fathers, some worse than others, but whether your father loved you as they ought or not, you will always have a Father who loves you in Heaven. Who gave up His Only Son for you! As the Gospel reading reminded us yesterday, "God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life..." (John 3:16-18). As a father you should strive to love as our Heavenly Father loves.
Whether you are a Great-Grandfather, Grandfather, Father, whether your baby is in the womb or grown and has children of their own. Whether you have had a relationship with your child or not. Whether you were brave and gave them up for the sake of them having a better life or whether you tried to raise them, but didn't do it well. Whether you had children of your own or choose to be the father of many children through the Priesthood. No matter how you have a role as a Father, you have made a difference in the world. You brought into the world an irreplaceable gift. You raised in the world an irreplaceable person. You challenged a person to love and live in the world. You offered them faith in their Heavenly Father and gave them a desire to know and love Him more. You have done so many countless things for your children that you do not even realize.
Today I am thankful for my earthly Father who has loved me, guided me, taught me, encouraged me, toughened me up, brought me up in the faith, provided for me, and so many countless other things. Everything that my Dad has done for me I am so thankful for. I am also thankful for my Heavenly Father who ordained for all eternity that I would get to have my Dad as my Dad. My Heavenly Father who has loved me and guided me in the faith, who has put within me a flame to know and love him more. With my earthly Daddy and my Heavenly Father I have and will always feel loved!
Today I look forward to the future, when my wonderful Husband will be a father. Today I look forward to the day when my children will get to call him Daddy and my Father and Father-in-Law Grandpa. Today I look forward to the day when my children will have the opportunity to love their Heavenly Father and know without a shadow of a doubt that they will always have a Father.
Whether you did yesterday or not, take the time today to thank your Dad, your Heavenly Father, and all the Priests who have impacted your life!
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