Marriage Prep

I don't know how strict different dioceses and parishes are regarding Marriage Preparation, but honestly it is and should be a big deal.  The parish and diocese that we got married in requires you and your fiancé to first meet with the priest that is going to be the Celebrant at your wedding.  While at this meeting you talk with the priest about marriage, life, etc.  Then you take the FOCCUS Inventory (separately - that is how they work).  You also turn in your Baptism certificates and your freedom to marry forms (indicating that you haven't been previously married, if you have that it was annulled, and that you are of age).  After that you attend a Marriage Prep class or weekend.  Our parish had a Marriage Builder Weekend that we attended.  You also take a Natural Family Planning (NFP) Course - I couldn't say enough about how great NFP is!!  And you also meet with a couple from the parish to discuss your future marriage and you also go over the FOCCUS inventory with them - I think this aspect to the process is HUGE!  Lastly, you plan all the details with the coordinator at the Church and make sure everything is set to go for the Wedding Mass!

Looking back on this experience, we are so grateful for the entire Marriage Prep process.  While my hubby and I learned a lot of things pertaining to our future marriage before we entered the marriage prep process, as I am a nerd for books so we went through quite a few marriage prep books on our own, we also took a college course together on Christian Marriage, and I studied the topic very in-depth.  But we went through the process because we had to, but also because we wanted to.  Even though we knew that for us, most of it would be review, taking the time - even if it is just to review - is worth it to make sure that you are making the right decision and that all the cards are laid out on the table.

I feel bad for people who either never had marriage prep or who skipped out (marriage prep used to not be as big of a deal/requirement) or who just went though the motions but never really invested in it.  Sure it is a big time commitment to accomplish all of the marriage prep, but if you aren't willing to give the time to your soon-to-be spouse, what makes you think you'll give them the time when you are married.  What makes you think that you know everything about them?

I dated the man that I married for 5 1/2 years before I married him.  In all of that time, unless we specifically brought up topics, we never would have talked about our family history and how that impacted our lives and what we would change for our own family.  We never would have talked about how we wanted our family holidays to be.  We probably wouldn't have made a financial goal together and truly discussed our finances - would we have a joint bank account?  Et Cetera, Et Cetera!

There are hundreds of things that you should talk about before you get married, but oftentimes things get pushed to the side.  While it may be impossible to talk about everything before you marry - at least cover the most important topics, which you can find through a marriage prep program or in a marriage prep book (if unfortunately your Church doesn't offer a program).  Some of the most important topics are; Money, Faith, Children, Sex, Politics, Family of Origin, In-Laws and Goals/Careers.  Talking about these things makes sure that when it comes to the BIG BUTTON issues that you have a game plan, an agreement, a mutual way of dealing with or handling the topic without one person feeling slighted or like their voice isn't being heard.  If you are super different on a lot of these things and can't come to a mutual anything than you shouldn't be getting married.  If you are already married and discovered this, seek counseling so that these things don't hinder or ruin the good in your relationship.

If you didn't have the chance to go through marriage prep, or you didn't get to talk about everything, or if something now in your marriage is bothering you -- take the time and talk about it.  Go back through your marriage prep stuff, if you did marriage prep, and review it, improve it, update it, fill it in, talk about it, etc.  Even if your marriage is smooth sailing - talk about these things.  Continue to make sure that everything is out in the open and that both of your voices are being heard.  COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE IS KEY AND COMMUNICATION IS A TWO WAY STREET!

Make your marriage what you want it to be and the sooner you do it, the better for both of you!  If you have the opportunity in your area, go on a Marriage Encounter Weekend/Marriage Enrichment Weekend with your spouse to make sure you are talking about things that could become a problem if you aren't aware of them and to reignite the flame if you need!


I encourage you, if you aren't married, take marriage prep SERIOUSLY.  If you are married and whether you went through marriage prep or not - take the time to make sure that you both feel good and are on the same page about topics today.  For example, go over your budget today and make sure you are both still happy with it or discern whether God is calling you to have another child together.  You can also just keep the communication flowing by looking up 100 Questions or Conversation Starters and talking about one of them over dinner or before you go to bed.  I pray that you always take the time and invest like you did when you were dating/courting and when you were in marriage prep!

Fit Together

Two weeks ago today a fitness challenge began at T.J.'s work.  They are in teams and have to walk, bike, run, whatever so many minutes that equate to miles and they have a certain amount of miles that they have to reach.  Each team is trying to hit that mile mark first.  Long story short, I have become part of T.J.'s motivation to get in as many hours in a week as possible.

I won't lie, some days we don't feel like doing anything and it is hard to motivate ourselves to go, some days we have been busy doing other things and we don't get the time in.  But, we try to make up the time if we don't get to it every night.  I have noticed that on the days that T.J. and I have worked out together we have been happier with each other the rest of the day and the following days even if we don't get to work out - which is an awesome benefit!!  Plus I love the fact that my "workout buddy" is my best friend!

Our main form of working out is walking.  It is easy to do and we don't have to pay for a gym membership, so we like to walk.  Some days we will change it up a little and try to jog (which I usually am not very good at) or we will ride our bikes.  When we walk we have the opportunity to not only get our bodies into better shape, increase our heart rate a little, but it is an awesome opportunity to communicate with one another.  This is definitely a chance to have intentional time together with no technology!!  I have read that working out also lowers your stress level, which is an added bonus!  If you would like to read more about the benefits of working out together this article describes all the top benefits I was able to find when I did a web search - Why Couples Who Sweat Together Stay Together.

Long story short, I recommend working out - and if possible, work out with your spouse.  Go outside for a walk, this is the perfect time of the year because the weather is so beautiful right now, go for an evening walk with your spouse.  It is a great time for you to strengthen your relationship and you will notice that once you start walking and talking you will be able to walk farther and have higher stamina while you are together.

Some things to keep in mind.
1. Try to be consistent when it comes to working out.  I know that things will come up, like a dinner with your friends or your family visiting, but try your hardest to be consistent.  A great way to do this is to put your workout time onto a calendar so that you workout at the same time every day or every other day.
2. Use this time as a way to support each other and to communicate with each other.  Talk about encouraging things and talk positively about the progress you both are making.  Also encourage each other to push a little harder, but don't make it stressful, always keep it positive!
3. Have fun.  The most important part about it is that you believe in one another, support one another and make it an enjoyable experience.

Whether your job has a challenge like T.J.'s job or not, is not what is important.  The important thing for any person striving to be healthy is to exercise.  Do whatever method meshes best with your body, your environment, etc.  Because honestly it doesn't really matter how you choose to exercise, but that you do it with your spouse.  So let the love between you grow as your bodies become fit together!

It Takes Work

It takes work to have a Happy Marriage.  You don't just wake up and go through the daily grind and somehow expect your marriage to be the best thing ever -- something that is just going to tag along on your daily commute and come out at the end of the day with a smile larger than how it began.

As I recently was reminded by the Marriage page on Facebook, "Happy marriages don't happen by accident. They're the result of a consistent investment of time and thoughtfulness into the relationship. Each new day, find new ways to bring a smile to your spouse's face." 

I am absolutely ecstatic about this advice.  Whether you already knew that a happy marriage takes work, or whether you have learned the hard way, or whether you have never heard this before and haven't put much into your marriage - here is the reminder - MARRIAGE ISN'T EASY, BUT IT IS THE GREATEST GIFT TO WORK FOR!

I know that at times it may seem easier to put your needs before your spouses needs, to care only about what it happening in your life, but try against all odds to remember your spouse.  Your marriage should always be about the two of you.  Whether you have children or are pregnant or have grown children or no children - the most important thing for them and the most important thing for you is to have a Happy Marriage.

A Happy Marriage takes work.  It requires self-sacrifice.  It requires unending sacrificial love.  It requires putting the needs of your spouse before your own.  It requires the intentional investment of your time.  It requires thoughtfulness.  It requires so much, but is so worth it when at the end of the day you and your spouse are of one heart, one mind, and one soul.

You may not always be able to solve all the problems.  You may not always find a way to make your spouse smile.  You may not always be able to be strong.  You may not always be able to sacrifice your needs for your spouse.  You may not always be able to do the numerous things you want and need to do for your spouse, but with God's help and your honest intention you will always succeed in making your marriage the best that it can be!

Take the time today to work for your marriage.  Take the time tomorrow to work for your marriage.  Take the time every day for the rest of your life to work for your marriage.  Whether your marriage is in a perfect place right now or not, take the time to work for your marriage.  I am not saying that it will be easy.  If you are not in a great place right now in your marriage, it is going to be hard work.  There are numerous resources available that you can use to help you work at your marriage.  My favorite, whether your marriage is in shambles or is perfect right now, is the book Love Dare!  It gives you some practical phenomenal ways to love your spouse and work for your marriage.  They also have wonderful resources online for couples.  I also encourage you to follow the Marriage page on Facebook.  It has wonderful daily Christian advice about marriage!  A daily reminder that we can all use!

May your Marriage be Happy!  Whether you are just starting out in marriage or have been married for years, all you will ever want is a Happy Marriage and you can have one if you invest in the marriage.  Start now if you are at the beginning and if you are years in start now because it is never too late to have the Happy Marriage you desired the day you said "I do".

Date Night

Every Wednesday T.J. and I have date night.  Truly it is the highlight of the week.  We purposefully picked Wednesday to be our Date Night because it is the middle of the week, when you are over the Monday Blues but haven't quite caught the Weekend Fever, if you know what I mean! 

I think it is important to have Date Night before you have kids, while you have kids, and after your kids are moved out of the house because Date Night is another name for "Intentional Time".  It doesn't even have to be at Night, it could be Date Lunch or Date Morning, whatever - the point is that you are setting aside intentional time to be with just each other.

This time should consist of the two of you and the conversation shouldn't include bills, children, things that are stressful, etc.  This time should be an opportunity to talk about you, to talk about things that interest you.  If you don't know what to talk about get a book that asks 100 questions and ask one every date night to get the ideas flowing when you don't know what else to talk about.  There are some great books out there like: 1001 Conversation Starters, 4000 Questions to Getting to Know Anyone and Everyone, or look up conversation starters on the web!  Or, plan a date night that will lend itself to talking - whether that be a movie or a hike, you get the idea!

Ideally you should set aside intentional time, even if it is for 5 minutes every day with your spouse, whether that is waking up early to have that moment or staying up a few minutes later - connecting intentionally with your spouse is vital to communication and keeping things running smoothly in your marriage.  I think it is best to have Date Night (or your version of that) once a week, but if there are too many things happening in life aim for once every other week or once a month.  Try not to let yourself go longer than this, because even if you say, I have no time - this is something you want to make time for!  This is the way you keep your marriage strong!

The thing about Date Night is you don't have to spend tons of money to make it great!  Sometimes it will be fun to spend money to go out to a nice restaurant or go on a hot air balloon ride (I have always wanted to do that!) or whatever.  But some nights can be movie night or you make a special dinner for your sweetheart!

The point is, that you need to give your spouse intentional time.  If that happens after the kids are in bed and you share a glass of wine or some beers together then perfect, if you have the chance and the money to go out to dinner - great!  Whatever it is, make it about the two of you!


Happy Date Night!!

P.S. Some great ideas: take turns planning date night, set a budget for date night, get a book for discussion topics (reference above), write date night on the calendar, make date night the anticipated night of the week, search Date Night Ideas on Google or check out some of the ideas that The Nest posted for 100 Date Night Ideas... Oh and if you want to watch a great comedy about Date Night check out the movie Date Night!