I don't know how strict different dioceses and parishes are regarding Marriage Preparation, but honestly it is and should be a big deal. The parish and diocese that we got married in requires you and your fiancé to first meet with the priest that is going to be the Celebrant at your wedding. While at this meeting you talk with the priest about marriage, life, etc. Then you take the FOCCUS Inventory (separately - that is how they work). You also turn in your Baptism certificates and your freedom to marry forms (indicating that you haven't been previously married, if you have that it was annulled, and that you are of age). After that you attend a Marriage Prep class or weekend. Our parish had a Marriage Builder Weekend that we attended. You also take a Natural Family Planning (NFP) Course - I couldn't say enough about how great NFP is!! And you also meet with a couple from the parish to discuss your future marriage and you also go over the FOCCUS inventory with them - I think this aspect to the process is HUGE! Lastly, you plan all the details with the coordinator at the Church and make sure everything is set to go for the Wedding Mass!
Looking back on this experience, we are so grateful for the entire Marriage Prep process. While my hubby and I learned a lot of things pertaining to our future marriage before we entered the marriage prep process, as I am a nerd for books so we went through quite a few marriage prep books on our own, we also took a college course together on Christian Marriage, and I studied the topic very in-depth. But we went through the process because we had to, but also because we wanted to. Even though we knew that for us, most of it would be review, taking the time - even if it is just to review - is worth it to make sure that you are making the right decision and that all the cards are laid out on the table.
I feel bad for people who either never had marriage prep or who skipped out (marriage prep used to not be as big of a deal/requirement) or who just went though the motions but never really invested in it. Sure it is a big time commitment to accomplish all of the marriage prep, but if you aren't willing to give the time to your soon-to-be spouse, what makes you think you'll give them the time when you are married. What makes you think that you know everything about them?
I dated the man that I married for 5 1/2 years before I married him. In all of that time, unless we specifically brought up topics, we never would have talked about our family history and how that impacted our lives and what we would change for our own family. We never would have talked about how we wanted our family holidays to be. We probably wouldn't have made a financial goal together and truly discussed our finances - would we have a joint bank account? Et Cetera, Et Cetera!
There are hundreds of things that you should talk about before you get married, but oftentimes things get pushed to the side. While it may be impossible to talk about everything before you marry - at least cover the most important topics, which you can find through a marriage prep program or in a marriage prep book (if unfortunately your Church doesn't offer a program). Some of the most important topics are; Money, Faith, Children, Sex, Politics, Family of Origin, In-Laws and Goals/Careers. Talking about these things makes sure that when it comes to the BIG BUTTON issues that you have a game plan, an agreement, a mutual way of dealing with or handling the topic without one person feeling slighted or like their voice isn't being heard. If you are super different on a lot of these things and can't come to a mutual anything than you shouldn't be getting married. If you are already married and discovered this, seek counseling so that these things don't hinder or ruin the good in your relationship.
If you didn't have the chance to go through marriage prep, or you didn't get to talk about everything, or if something now in your marriage is bothering you -- take the time and talk about it. Go back through your marriage prep stuff, if you did marriage prep, and review it, improve it, update it, fill it in, talk about it, etc. Even if your marriage is smooth sailing - talk about these things. Continue to make sure that everything is out in the open and that both of your voices are being heard. COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE IS KEY AND COMMUNICATION IS A TWO WAY STREET!
Make your marriage what you want it to be and the sooner you do it, the better for both of you! If you have the opportunity in your area, go on a Marriage Encounter Weekend/Marriage Enrichment Weekend with your spouse to make sure you are talking about things that could become a problem if you aren't aware of them and to reignite the flame if you need!
I encourage you, if you aren't married, take marriage prep SERIOUSLY. If you are married and whether you went through marriage prep or not - take the time to make sure that you both feel good and are on the same page about topics today. For example, go over your budget today and make sure you are both still happy with it or discern whether God is calling you to have another child together. You can also just keep the communication flowing by looking up 100 Questions or Conversation Starters and talking about one of them over dinner or before you go to bed. I pray that you always take the time and invest like you did when you were dating/courting and when you were in marriage prep!
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
I waited... and it was Worth IT!
I came across an article today titled "I Waited Until My Wedding Night To Lose My Virginity And I Wish I Hadn't". Immediately I knew I had to read this article because I longed to understand and see what this desperate soul was talking about. If you would like to read the entire article it can be found here. If you don't want to read it, that is fine too as I will reference what she said in this post.
She begins by describing that she was taught to remain pure until she was married and that she made the decision to do so at church alongside many other girls. Her story doesn't sound too different from mine. I made the choice when I was maybe 12 or 13 to remain sexually abstinent until I was married. My reasons did include following Catholic Church teaching (she was in a Baptist church - in case you were wondering so she followed their church teachings) as the main reason, but there were other factors that included; not wanting to disappoint my family, wanting to do it right - having children in the context of a marriage, etc.
Her reasons include her church's teachings, but I struggle to say that they were entirely accurate. Her church taught that "sex was for married people" - check I agree with that completely. But here is where it gets a little interesting for me; "extramarital sex was sinful and dirty and I would go to Hell if I did it." While having sex outside of marriage is sinful, maybe it is because I am Catholic, but I know that if you were contrite of heart and went to confession and didn't do it again, you would be forgiven and not condemned to Hell. I feel like this is a horrible scare tactic to convince a young 10 year old girl to remain a virgin. There are lots of reasons to remain a virgin before you marry the one person that you promise to share your mind, heart, body, and soul with and scaring someone to believe that they will go to Hell is just not one of the motivators you need to have.
Additionally, her church taught that "it was entirely possible that my future husband wouldn't remain pure for me, because he didn't have the same responsibility, according to the Bible..." - and this is where I draw the line. While it is entirely true that your future spouse may not have saved himself just for you and that you could forgive them because Christ can forgive them... NOWHERE and I MEAN NOWHERE does scripture excuse them from being pure and remaining pure until they give themselves to you. Christ calls us to the same standards - both MALE AND FEMALE!
The Catholic Church teaches that sex is sacred. It is an act for only two people that are married. CCC 2360 states, "Sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman. In marriage the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion. Marriage bonds between baptized persons are sanctified by the sacrament." This and the fact that if you have sex outside of marriage, by the very act of sexual intercourse you lie with your body and tell the other person 'I love you with the type of love only someone in a married relationship can love you like' is just that, a lie. (I am so passionate about this that I feel I am going to write an entire blog on it - so I will leave it at this). There are some wonderful resources on our bodies and waiting for marriage and how to have a good faith filled courtship. Check out Theology of the Body by Pope Saint John Paul II, which you can read here. Also, check out the Catechism of the Catholic Church on Marriage. And you can also get amazing books like Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World.
She goes on to talk about how she would wear her "virginity like a badge of honor". How sad that our society, our churches have even gotten to the point of having to praise the virgin. We should all be virgins until we give ourselves to our only spouse! Being a virgin shouldn't be your identity, it shouldn't be what defines you (it may define some of your choices and your character, but it should never be your one and only label). Being a virgin is huge and finding someone who you date/court who supports you and may even God-willing, share purity with you is amazing. Long story short, her wedding night wasn't what she thought it would be. She cried and felt that she was sinful and dirty. She felt like others judged her and she was ashamed to "be" in front of her spouse. She obliged herself for her husbands sake until she finally told him how horrible it made her feel. She went to counseling and no longer goes to church or is religious so that she can choose sex. She is convinced that "the entire concept of virginity is used to control female sexuality" and if she could go back she wouldn't wait until marriage.
So here is the thing, I waited until I got married to have sex. And my wedding night was the greatest night of my entire life. After dating the most incredible man for almost 6 years, I finally had the greatest privilege of sharing my innermost being with him. I was so incredibly fortunate to be blessed by God with a man who shared my passion and desires in life and like me had made a promise to wait until he was married. I am not saying that our first night was amazing like the movies. It was amazing to us because we got to share the most intimate thing that we possess in the context of a Sacrament - a perpetual vow, a promise for a lifetime. I won't lie to you, it hurt, but the fact that I got to share that moment and be consoled in that moment by the person who promised to love me for my whole life is something so beautiful to me. How sad it is that someone would have that experience with some random person who isn't invested in them for life. I loved that moment because my spouse was able to show me the most tender love I have ever known.
Never once did I feel dirty, ashamed, etc... while the first nights weren't the greatest in the world, like all good things in Marriage we got better as we practiced! ;) The thing is, when you wait and then give yourself freely (without condoms, Birth Control, or other barriers) you get to experience the greatest gift that God gave to us - the ability to love as much as is humanly possible. No other person can you love like you love your spouse. When you share the intimate bond that sex is, you are sharing in God's love as fully as you can here on earth.
The day after we were married I didn't think, "I can't see my parents because they know I've done it now" or "I can't go to Church where everyone I know is because they may think of me differently" or whatever else someone might think. We are married PEOPLE and like all good married people we do what married people do. If someone had a problem with that or looked at you weird, they are the one with the problem, because sharing the marital embrace is the greatest thing you can do as Husband and Wife - and if you aren't doing it - that is the serious problem!
IF I COULD GO BACK AND DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN --- I WOULD STILL CHOOSE TO BE A VIRIGN UNTIL I WAS MARRIED because it is the greatest gift in the world to know that I gave my heart to one person and one person alone and that I have loved as Christ called me to love!
I encourage you today - think back to your marital vows, remember what they mean - and love your spouse with a love that only you can give them.
She begins by describing that she was taught to remain pure until she was married and that she made the decision to do so at church alongside many other girls. Her story doesn't sound too different from mine. I made the choice when I was maybe 12 or 13 to remain sexually abstinent until I was married. My reasons did include following Catholic Church teaching (she was in a Baptist church - in case you were wondering so she followed their church teachings) as the main reason, but there were other factors that included; not wanting to disappoint my family, wanting to do it right - having children in the context of a marriage, etc.
Her reasons include her church's teachings, but I struggle to say that they were entirely accurate. Her church taught that "sex was for married people" - check I agree with that completely. But here is where it gets a little interesting for me; "extramarital sex was sinful and dirty and I would go to Hell if I did it." While having sex outside of marriage is sinful, maybe it is because I am Catholic, but I know that if you were contrite of heart and went to confession and didn't do it again, you would be forgiven and not condemned to Hell. I feel like this is a horrible scare tactic to convince a young 10 year old girl to remain a virgin. There are lots of reasons to remain a virgin before you marry the one person that you promise to share your mind, heart, body, and soul with and scaring someone to believe that they will go to Hell is just not one of the motivators you need to have.
Additionally, her church taught that "it was entirely possible that my future husband wouldn't remain pure for me, because he didn't have the same responsibility, according to the Bible..." - and this is where I draw the line. While it is entirely true that your future spouse may not have saved himself just for you and that you could forgive them because Christ can forgive them... NOWHERE and I MEAN NOWHERE does scripture excuse them from being pure and remaining pure until they give themselves to you. Christ calls us to the same standards - both MALE AND FEMALE!
The Catholic Church teaches that sex is sacred. It is an act for only two people that are married. CCC 2360 states, "Sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman. In marriage the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion. Marriage bonds between baptized persons are sanctified by the sacrament." This and the fact that if you have sex outside of marriage, by the very act of sexual intercourse you lie with your body and tell the other person 'I love you with the type of love only someone in a married relationship can love you like' is just that, a lie. (I am so passionate about this that I feel I am going to write an entire blog on it - so I will leave it at this). There are some wonderful resources on our bodies and waiting for marriage and how to have a good faith filled courtship. Check out Theology of the Body by Pope Saint John Paul II, which you can read here. Also, check out the Catechism of the Catholic Church on Marriage. And you can also get amazing books like Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World.
She goes on to talk about how she would wear her "virginity like a badge of honor". How sad that our society, our churches have even gotten to the point of having to praise the virgin. We should all be virgins until we give ourselves to our only spouse! Being a virgin shouldn't be your identity, it shouldn't be what defines you (it may define some of your choices and your character, but it should never be your one and only label). Being a virgin is huge and finding someone who you date/court who supports you and may even God-willing, share purity with you is amazing. Long story short, her wedding night wasn't what she thought it would be. She cried and felt that she was sinful and dirty. She felt like others judged her and she was ashamed to "be" in front of her spouse. She obliged herself for her husbands sake until she finally told him how horrible it made her feel. She went to counseling and no longer goes to church or is religious so that she can choose sex. She is convinced that "the entire concept of virginity is used to control female sexuality" and if she could go back she wouldn't wait until marriage.
So here is the thing, I waited until I got married to have sex. And my wedding night was the greatest night of my entire life. After dating the most incredible man for almost 6 years, I finally had the greatest privilege of sharing my innermost being with him. I was so incredibly fortunate to be blessed by God with a man who shared my passion and desires in life and like me had made a promise to wait until he was married. I am not saying that our first night was amazing like the movies. It was amazing to us because we got to share the most intimate thing that we possess in the context of a Sacrament - a perpetual vow, a promise for a lifetime. I won't lie to you, it hurt, but the fact that I got to share that moment and be consoled in that moment by the person who promised to love me for my whole life is something so beautiful to me. How sad it is that someone would have that experience with some random person who isn't invested in them for life. I loved that moment because my spouse was able to show me the most tender love I have ever known.
Never once did I feel dirty, ashamed, etc... while the first nights weren't the greatest in the world, like all good things in Marriage we got better as we practiced! ;) The thing is, when you wait and then give yourself freely (without condoms, Birth Control, or other barriers) you get to experience the greatest gift that God gave to us - the ability to love as much as is humanly possible. No other person can you love like you love your spouse. When you share the intimate bond that sex is, you are sharing in God's love as fully as you can here on earth.
The day after we were married I didn't think, "I can't see my parents because they know I've done it now" or "I can't go to Church where everyone I know is because they may think of me differently" or whatever else someone might think. We are married PEOPLE and like all good married people we do what married people do. If someone had a problem with that or looked at you weird, they are the one with the problem, because sharing the marital embrace is the greatest thing you can do as Husband and Wife - and if you aren't doing it - that is the serious problem!
IF I COULD GO BACK AND DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN --- I WOULD STILL CHOOSE TO BE A VIRIGN UNTIL I WAS MARRIED because it is the greatest gift in the world to know that I gave my heart to one person and one person alone and that I have loved as Christ called me to love!
I encourage you today - think back to your marital vows, remember what they mean - and love your spouse with a love that only you can give them.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Money Money Money...
According to an article, the number one thing that couples fight about is Money... turns out the song "it's all about the money, money, money" really is what it is all about. The article states that couples argue on average about three times a month on finances.
I don't dispute the findings, I do think that most couples fight about money. The sad thing is that it really doesn't have to be that way! The article indicates that most of the arguments are over unexpected expenses and insufficient savings. And disputes like this that occur once a week or more put the couple at an increased risk of divorce. The number one thing to help alleviate the problem is talking about money with your spouse. If you avoid it, you either make the issue worse or you create the issue to begin with. The article says that over 50 percent of couples don't set aside time to talk about financial issues and "three in 10 adults admitted to lying about finances."
Now I would never tell someone what they should or shouldn't do, but T.J. and I have never had any money issues. We took a class before we got married on finances (in case you are wondering it was a Dave Ramsey course) and while we don't follow the course to a "T", I do recommend taking a financial course with your soon-to-be spouse because it starts the discussion before you tie the knot. If you are already married, I would still recommend taking a financial course or reading a financial book, specifically ones with a Christian perspective because they will be more honest.
After taking a course or reading a book or two, talk about your money. Discuss what is coming in every month and what is going out. I recommend a budget, but T.J. and I don't use a hard set budget - we know how much we have to pay for specific expenses and how much we are going to put into savings and we let the rest fall where it may. I don't recommend this for everyone and once we have children we will probably follow a more strict budget, but right now we aren't hurting without it.
Once you set a budget or at least talk through your expenses make sure that you both are on the same page about it and that you are paying back your debt, covering your current expenses, and saving for the future in both a regular savings and an emergency fund - that way you can avoid the stress and fights over the unexpected expenses and you have a well stocked savings.
Also, I highly recommend that you and your spouse have a joint savings, joint checking, and joint emergency fund. I do not think that it is conducive to your health as a couple to have separate finances. If you have your money over here and your spouse has his money over there, then you are keeping secret from your spouse something that in todays world we can't live without. I understand that some people have their reasons for it, but I don't think it is a healthy habit and I believe that it would make financial conversations more difficult.
My belief is when you get married there is no mine and yours anymore, it is ours, and if you treat everything that way, from your cars, to your computers, to your money, then you will have a happier marriage because you won't be competing with your love!
If you haven't talked about finances with your spouse or if you have but it has been a while, take the time today or this week and make it a priority. See where your spending habits could be changed and see where you are doing good! Most importantly be on the same page about finances and make sure that whatever you decide about your money that BOTH OF YOU are happy and agree with your plan - that both of your voices were heard and you both feel satisfied with it! Happy Budgeting!
I don't dispute the findings, I do think that most couples fight about money. The sad thing is that it really doesn't have to be that way! The article indicates that most of the arguments are over unexpected expenses and insufficient savings. And disputes like this that occur once a week or more put the couple at an increased risk of divorce. The number one thing to help alleviate the problem is talking about money with your spouse. If you avoid it, you either make the issue worse or you create the issue to begin with. The article says that over 50 percent of couples don't set aside time to talk about financial issues and "three in 10 adults admitted to lying about finances."
Now I would never tell someone what they should or shouldn't do, but T.J. and I have never had any money issues. We took a class before we got married on finances (in case you are wondering it was a Dave Ramsey course) and while we don't follow the course to a "T", I do recommend taking a financial course with your soon-to-be spouse because it starts the discussion before you tie the knot. If you are already married, I would still recommend taking a financial course or reading a financial book, specifically ones with a Christian perspective because they will be more honest.
After taking a course or reading a book or two, talk about your money. Discuss what is coming in every month and what is going out. I recommend a budget, but T.J. and I don't use a hard set budget - we know how much we have to pay for specific expenses and how much we are going to put into savings and we let the rest fall where it may. I don't recommend this for everyone and once we have children we will probably follow a more strict budget, but right now we aren't hurting without it.
Once you set a budget or at least talk through your expenses make sure that you both are on the same page about it and that you are paying back your debt, covering your current expenses, and saving for the future in both a regular savings and an emergency fund - that way you can avoid the stress and fights over the unexpected expenses and you have a well stocked savings.
Also, I highly recommend that you and your spouse have a joint savings, joint checking, and joint emergency fund. I do not think that it is conducive to your health as a couple to have separate finances. If you have your money over here and your spouse has his money over there, then you are keeping secret from your spouse something that in todays world we can't live without. I understand that some people have their reasons for it, but I don't think it is a healthy habit and I believe that it would make financial conversations more difficult.
My belief is when you get married there is no mine and yours anymore, it is ours, and if you treat everything that way, from your cars, to your computers, to your money, then you will have a happier marriage because you won't be competing with your love!
If you haven't talked about finances with your spouse or if you have but it has been a while, take the time today or this week and make it a priority. See where your spending habits could be changed and see where you are doing good! Most importantly be on the same page about finances and make sure that whatever you decide about your money that BOTH OF YOU are happy and agree with your plan - that both of your voices were heard and you both feel satisfied with it! Happy Budgeting!
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Take a Picture
I have tried to take a picture of every adventure that T.J. and I have gone on since we started dating, but especially since we have gotten married because it is fun to look back and see all the places that we have gone and things that we have seen. It reminds me that we have done a lot, even though we haven't traveled overseas or gone very far in the U.S., we have done a lot close to home and that is a blessing!
When you are bored or feel like you never get to do anything, which happens to me more than I would like to admit because we live in a small town, I like to look back though these pictures. I look back at the ones from the very beginning, but most especially the ones that we have taken since we got married and moved here. It is that reminder I need!
More importantly than a picture of the places you have gone or things that you have seen is a picture of you and your hubby in that moment. Even if you look gross because you went on a 10 mile hike and you are all sweaty, take the picture with you and your man in the frame. I promise, when you look back at it you wont think, "well I look disgusting", you will think, "I remember how great that day was." "I remember the sun, the beautiful animals that we saw, the smile that he gave me, the way he helped me climb up that rock..." That is what you will remember!
What is truly beautiful about taking a picture with your hubby, even if you just have a great night at home (remember to snap photos then too), is that you have a constant reminder of the love that you share with your spouse. On the days when you don't feel good or you and your spouse had a disagreement or when you are loving your spouse and want to feel the "love high", look back at these photos and remember the happy loving moments that you share!
I promise that no matter what has happened, no matter why you looked back through them, you will not regret it - it will make your day better! It will help you forgive your spouse, it will help you love your spouse more, it will encourage you to plan another adventure, it will ... Ultimately, it will be just what you needed!
Take a picture with your spouse today and remember to take them often, so when you look back at life you see nothing but happiness, even if it wasn't all smiles getting to where you are today!
When you are bored or feel like you never get to do anything, which happens to me more than I would like to admit because we live in a small town, I like to look back though these pictures. I look back at the ones from the very beginning, but most especially the ones that we have taken since we got married and moved here. It is that reminder I need!
More importantly than a picture of the places you have gone or things that you have seen is a picture of you and your hubby in that moment. Even if you look gross because you went on a 10 mile hike and you are all sweaty, take the picture with you and your man in the frame. I promise, when you look back at it you wont think, "well I look disgusting", you will think, "I remember how great that day was." "I remember the sun, the beautiful animals that we saw, the smile that he gave me, the way he helped me climb up that rock..." That is what you will remember!
What is truly beautiful about taking a picture with your hubby, even if you just have a great night at home (remember to snap photos then too), is that you have a constant reminder of the love that you share with your spouse. On the days when you don't feel good or you and your spouse had a disagreement or when you are loving your spouse and want to feel the "love high", look back at these photos and remember the happy loving moments that you share!
I promise that no matter what has happened, no matter why you looked back through them, you will not regret it - it will make your day better! It will help you forgive your spouse, it will help you love your spouse more, it will encourage you to plan another adventure, it will ... Ultimately, it will be just what you needed!
Take a picture with your spouse today and remember to take them often, so when you look back at life you see nothing but happiness, even if it wasn't all smiles getting to where you are today!
Monday, June 16, 2014
Father's Day
Yesterday was Father's Day and it was also the Solemnity of the Holy Trinity. What a beautiful day to celebrate two amazing things. The Holy Trinity is the epitome of the family and how a Father loves His Son so much that that the Holy Spirit pours forth from that love. This image is beautiful because it reminds us of the love that your earthly father should have for you. A father should love his children so much that that love should be evident to all.
I am not saying that sometimes your father may fail and I am not saying there are not imperfect fathers, some worse than others, but whether your father loved you as they ought or not, you will always have a Father who loves you in Heaven. Who gave up His Only Son for you! As the Gospel reading reminded us yesterday, "God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life..." (John 3:16-18). As a father you should strive to love as our Heavenly Father loves.
Whether you are a Great-Grandfather, Grandfather, Father, whether your baby is in the womb or grown and has children of their own. Whether you have had a relationship with your child or not. Whether you were brave and gave them up for the sake of them having a better life or whether you tried to raise them, but didn't do it well. Whether you had children of your own or choose to be the father of many children through the Priesthood. No matter how you have a role as a Father, you have made a difference in the world. You brought into the world an irreplaceable gift. You raised in the world an irreplaceable person. You challenged a person to love and live in the world. You offered them faith in their Heavenly Father and gave them a desire to know and love Him more. You have done so many countless things for your children that you do not even realize.
Today I am thankful for my earthly Father who has loved me, guided me, taught me, encouraged me, toughened me up, brought me up in the faith, provided for me, and so many countless other things. Everything that my Dad has done for me I am so thankful for. I am also thankful for my Heavenly Father who ordained for all eternity that I would get to have my Dad as my Dad. My Heavenly Father who has loved me and guided me in the faith, who has put within me a flame to know and love him more. With my earthly Daddy and my Heavenly Father I have and will always feel loved!
Today I look forward to the future, when my wonderful Husband will be a father. Today I look forward to the day when my children will get to call him Daddy and my Father and Father-in-Law Grandpa. Today I look forward to the day when my children will have the opportunity to love their Heavenly Father and know without a shadow of a doubt that they will always have a Father.
Whether you did yesterday or not, take the time today to thank your Dad, your Heavenly Father, and all the Priests who have impacted your life!
I am not saying that sometimes your father may fail and I am not saying there are not imperfect fathers, some worse than others, but whether your father loved you as they ought or not, you will always have a Father who loves you in Heaven. Who gave up His Only Son for you! As the Gospel reading reminded us yesterday, "God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life..." (John 3:16-18). As a father you should strive to love as our Heavenly Father loves.
Whether you are a Great-Grandfather, Grandfather, Father, whether your baby is in the womb or grown and has children of their own. Whether you have had a relationship with your child or not. Whether you were brave and gave them up for the sake of them having a better life or whether you tried to raise them, but didn't do it well. Whether you had children of your own or choose to be the father of many children through the Priesthood. No matter how you have a role as a Father, you have made a difference in the world. You brought into the world an irreplaceable gift. You raised in the world an irreplaceable person. You challenged a person to love and live in the world. You offered them faith in their Heavenly Father and gave them a desire to know and love Him more. You have done so many countless things for your children that you do not even realize.
Today I am thankful for my earthly Father who has loved me, guided me, taught me, encouraged me, toughened me up, brought me up in the faith, provided for me, and so many countless other things. Everything that my Dad has done for me I am so thankful for. I am also thankful for my Heavenly Father who ordained for all eternity that I would get to have my Dad as my Dad. My Heavenly Father who has loved me and guided me in the faith, who has put within me a flame to know and love him more. With my earthly Daddy and my Heavenly Father I have and will always feel loved!
Today I look forward to the future, when my wonderful Husband will be a father. Today I look forward to the day when my children will get to call him Daddy and my Father and Father-in-Law Grandpa. Today I look forward to the day when my children will have the opportunity to love their Heavenly Father and know without a shadow of a doubt that they will always have a Father.
Whether you did yesterday or not, take the time today to thank your Dad, your Heavenly Father, and all the Priests who have impacted your life!
Monday, May 19, 2014
Fit Together
Two weeks ago today a fitness challenge began at T.J.'s work. They are in teams and have to walk, bike, run, whatever so many minutes that equate to miles and they have a certain amount of miles that they have to reach. Each team is trying to hit that mile mark first. Long story short, I have become part of T.J.'s motivation to get in as many hours in a week as possible.
I won't lie, some days we don't feel like doing anything and it is hard to motivate ourselves to go, some days we have been busy doing other things and we don't get the time in. But, we try to make up the time if we don't get to it every night. I have noticed that on the days that T.J. and I have worked out together we have been happier with each other the rest of the day and the following days even if we don't get to work out - which is an awesome benefit!! Plus I love the fact that my "workout buddy" is my best friend!
Our main form of working out is walking. It is easy to do and we don't have to pay for a gym membership, so we like to walk. Some days we will change it up a little and try to jog (which I usually am not very good at) or we will ride our bikes. When we walk we have the opportunity to not only get our bodies into better shape, increase our heart rate a little, but it is an awesome opportunity to communicate with one another. This is definitely a chance to have intentional time together with no technology!! I have read that working out also lowers your stress level, which is an added bonus! If you would like to read more about the benefits of working out together this article describes all the top benefits I was able to find when I did a web search - Why Couples Who Sweat Together Stay Together.
Long story short, I recommend working out - and if possible, work out with your spouse. Go outside for a walk, this is the perfect time of the year because the weather is so beautiful right now, go for an evening walk with your spouse. It is a great time for you to strengthen your relationship and you will notice that once you start walking and talking you will be able to walk farther and have higher stamina while you are together.
Some things to keep in mind.
1. Try to be consistent when it comes to working out. I know that things will come up, like a dinner with your friends or your family visiting, but try your hardest to be consistent. A great way to do this is to put your workout time onto a calendar so that you workout at the same time every day or every other day.
2. Use this time as a way to support each other and to communicate with each other. Talk about encouraging things and talk positively about the progress you both are making. Also encourage each other to push a little harder, but don't make it stressful, always keep it positive!
3. Have fun. The most important part about it is that you believe in one another, support one another and make it an enjoyable experience.
Whether your job has a challenge like T.J.'s job or not, is not what is important. The important thing for any person striving to be healthy is to exercise. Do whatever method meshes best with your body, your environment, etc. Because honestly it doesn't really matter how you choose to exercise, but that you do it with your spouse. So let the love between you grow as your bodies become fit together!
I won't lie, some days we don't feel like doing anything and it is hard to motivate ourselves to go, some days we have been busy doing other things and we don't get the time in. But, we try to make up the time if we don't get to it every night. I have noticed that on the days that T.J. and I have worked out together we have been happier with each other the rest of the day and the following days even if we don't get to work out - which is an awesome benefit!! Plus I love the fact that my "workout buddy" is my best friend!
Our main form of working out is walking. It is easy to do and we don't have to pay for a gym membership, so we like to walk. Some days we will change it up a little and try to jog (which I usually am not very good at) or we will ride our bikes. When we walk we have the opportunity to not only get our bodies into better shape, increase our heart rate a little, but it is an awesome opportunity to communicate with one another. This is definitely a chance to have intentional time together with no technology!! I have read that working out also lowers your stress level, which is an added bonus! If you would like to read more about the benefits of working out together this article describes all the top benefits I was able to find when I did a web search - Why Couples Who Sweat Together Stay Together.
Long story short, I recommend working out - and if possible, work out with your spouse. Go outside for a walk, this is the perfect time of the year because the weather is so beautiful right now, go for an evening walk with your spouse. It is a great time for you to strengthen your relationship and you will notice that once you start walking and talking you will be able to walk farther and have higher stamina while you are together.
Some things to keep in mind.
1. Try to be consistent when it comes to working out. I know that things will come up, like a dinner with your friends or your family visiting, but try your hardest to be consistent. A great way to do this is to put your workout time onto a calendar so that you workout at the same time every day or every other day.
2. Use this time as a way to support each other and to communicate with each other. Talk about encouraging things and talk positively about the progress you both are making. Also encourage each other to push a little harder, but don't make it stressful, always keep it positive!
3. Have fun. The most important part about it is that you believe in one another, support one another and make it an enjoyable experience.
Whether your job has a challenge like T.J.'s job or not, is not what is important. The important thing for any person striving to be healthy is to exercise. Do whatever method meshes best with your body, your environment, etc. Because honestly it doesn't really matter how you choose to exercise, but that you do it with your spouse. So let the love between you grow as your bodies become fit together!
Thursday, May 15, 2014
It Takes Work
It takes work to have a Happy Marriage. You don't just wake up and go through the daily grind and somehow expect your marriage to be the best thing ever -- something that is just going to tag along on your daily commute and come out at the end of the day with a smile larger than how it began.
As I recently was reminded by the Marriage page on Facebook, "Happy marriages don't happen by accident. They're the result of a consistent investment of time and thoughtfulness into the relationship. Each new day, find new ways to bring a smile to your spouse's face."
I am absolutely ecstatic about this advice. Whether you already knew that a happy marriage takes work, or whether you have learned the hard way, or whether you have never heard this before and haven't put much into your marriage - here is the reminder - MARRIAGE ISN'T EASY, BUT IT IS THE GREATEST GIFT TO WORK FOR!
I know that at times it may seem easier to put your needs before your spouses needs, to care only about what it happening in your life, but try against all odds to remember your spouse. Your marriage should always be about the two of you. Whether you have children or are pregnant or have grown children or no children - the most important thing for them and the most important thing for you is to have a Happy Marriage.
A Happy Marriage takes work. It requires self-sacrifice. It requires unending sacrificial love. It requires putting the needs of your spouse before your own. It requires the intentional investment of your time. It requires thoughtfulness. It requires so much, but is so worth it when at the end of the day you and your spouse are of one heart, one mind, and one soul.
You may not always be able to solve all the problems. You may not always find a way to make your spouse smile. You may not always be able to be strong. You may not always be able to sacrifice your needs for your spouse. You may not always be able to do the numerous things you want and need to do for your spouse, but with God's help and your honest intention you will always succeed in making your marriage the best that it can be!
Take the time today to work for your marriage. Take the time tomorrow to work for your marriage. Take the time every day for the rest of your life to work for your marriage. Whether your marriage is in a perfect place right now or not, take the time to work for your marriage. I am not saying that it will be easy. If you are not in a great place right now in your marriage, it is going to be hard work. There are numerous resources available that you can use to help you work at your marriage. My favorite, whether your marriage is in shambles or is perfect right now, is the book Love Dare! It gives you some practical phenomenal ways to love your spouse and work for your marriage. They also have wonderful resources online for couples. I also encourage you to follow the Marriage page on Facebook. It has wonderful daily Christian advice about marriage! A daily reminder that we can all use!
May your Marriage be Happy! Whether you are just starting out in marriage or have been married for years, all you will ever want is a Happy Marriage and you can have one if you invest in the marriage. Start now if you are at the beginning and if you are years in start now because it is never too late to have the Happy Marriage you desired the day you said "I do".
As I recently was reminded by the Marriage page on Facebook, "Happy marriages don't happen by accident. They're the result of a consistent investment of time and thoughtfulness into the relationship. Each new day, find new ways to bring a smile to your spouse's face."
I am absolutely ecstatic about this advice. Whether you already knew that a happy marriage takes work, or whether you have learned the hard way, or whether you have never heard this before and haven't put much into your marriage - here is the reminder - MARRIAGE ISN'T EASY, BUT IT IS THE GREATEST GIFT TO WORK FOR!
I know that at times it may seem easier to put your needs before your spouses needs, to care only about what it happening in your life, but try against all odds to remember your spouse. Your marriage should always be about the two of you. Whether you have children or are pregnant or have grown children or no children - the most important thing for them and the most important thing for you is to have a Happy Marriage.
A Happy Marriage takes work. It requires self-sacrifice. It requires unending sacrificial love. It requires putting the needs of your spouse before your own. It requires the intentional investment of your time. It requires thoughtfulness. It requires so much, but is so worth it when at the end of the day you and your spouse are of one heart, one mind, and one soul.
You may not always be able to solve all the problems. You may not always find a way to make your spouse smile. You may not always be able to be strong. You may not always be able to sacrifice your needs for your spouse. You may not always be able to do the numerous things you want and need to do for your spouse, but with God's help and your honest intention you will always succeed in making your marriage the best that it can be!
Take the time today to work for your marriage. Take the time tomorrow to work for your marriage. Take the time every day for the rest of your life to work for your marriage. Whether your marriage is in a perfect place right now or not, take the time to work for your marriage. I am not saying that it will be easy. If you are not in a great place right now in your marriage, it is going to be hard work. There are numerous resources available that you can use to help you work at your marriage. My favorite, whether your marriage is in shambles or is perfect right now, is the book Love Dare! It gives you some practical phenomenal ways to love your spouse and work for your marriage. They also have wonderful resources online for couples. I also encourage you to follow the Marriage page on Facebook. It has wonderful daily Christian advice about marriage! A daily reminder that we can all use!
May your Marriage be Happy! Whether you are just starting out in marriage or have been married for years, all you will ever want is a Happy Marriage and you can have one if you invest in the marriage. Start now if you are at the beginning and if you are years in start now because it is never too late to have the Happy Marriage you desired the day you said "I do".
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Visiting the Family
First, let me start off by saying I am sorry I did not post on Friday! I had absolutely every intention of posting and then by the time I was able to after I finished cleaning up and packing, we had to leave for the airport. And then I tried to get this post up Monday and yesterday, but it just didn't happen!!
Anyhow, as I mentioned the reason that I didn't post on Friday or Monday or yesterday was because we flew home (well I guess our old home) in order to attend my younger brother's Confirmation! Of course, we also got to visit with family and as an added bonus, we were able to spend Mother's Day with our Moms! And then my parents came out to pick up my sister from College and visit from Monday until today!
Let me start off talking about the most important part of the trip. We had the privilege to witness my younger brother make a promise before God and the Church that he would live the Catholic Life, no matter the consequence - whether that is loss of friends, persecution, etc. I am so incredibly proud of my brother and who he has become and his witness to the faith. He has and continues to be an inspiration to me and T.J.! The actual Confirmation Mass was beautiful and the homily really got to the heart of the matter. The Priest reminded us that once you are Confirmed you don't stop going to Church, you don't hide in your room and stop practicing the faith. You go out and shout the Good News to all. My brother took the name Benedict as his Confirmation Saint. How incredibly beautiful to see how St. Benedict has made his way into my brother's life. St. Benedict, pray for him!
So, we had the honor of visiting family. Family is very important to me and despite the fact that for right now at least we live away from them, I try to spend quality time with them when I am around them and to make an effort to spend quality time with them on the phone or on Skype or through whatever method I can. While I don't always talk with my grandparents and cousins, I try to stay connected with my parents and siblings, both my biological and in-laws, as much as possible. Therefore, I am so glad when I get to spend time with them when we travel home or when they travel here. I won't lie, sometimes visiting home is more stressful than relaxing and that is because we have to or want to visit with everyone in the family. I really don't like that part. I love the fact that I have in-laws and a larger family now, but it is so difficult to be home for a short weekend and spend any quality time with anyone it seems. But we do try!
We also really valued getting to spend Mother's Day with our Mom's. The past four years we have missed Mother's Day due to finishing the school year, so it was quite a treat to honor the women who said yes to life and gave us the ability to be a part of this world and teach us how to be adults. We are so thankful for their love and encouragement in our lives.
I truly appreciate the time I get to have with my family. I encourage you to remember to hold your family close, both physically and mentally. Whether you get to see them on a regular basis or not, be close to your family. Teach each other to be holier. Strive to be a domestic church. Never stop running towards God, and always remember that when you are married your family will only function the way it is supposed to if you and your spouse are working together and that relationship is constantly being built up. And if you haven't talked to someone in your family in a while, give them a call or if you are close enough, stop in and say hi. You don't need to see every person in your family all the time or talk to them every week. If you go a few days without talking to your parents or your immediate family, that is okay - what matters is that you have a genuine relationship with them! But never forget to have a daily relationship with your spouse, they are the most important family you will ever have!
May you and your family be richly blessed!
P.S. I just finished reading Consuming the Word by Scott Hahn on the airplane. It is an absolutely wonderful book that articulately describes the Word, the Eucharist, the Mass, and Scripture. If you are looking for a good read, I highly recommend!
Anyhow, as I mentioned the reason that I didn't post on Friday or Monday or yesterday was because we flew home (well I guess our old home) in order to attend my younger brother's Confirmation! Of course, we also got to visit with family and as an added bonus, we were able to spend Mother's Day with our Moms! And then my parents came out to pick up my sister from College and visit from Monday until today!
Let me start off talking about the most important part of the trip. We had the privilege to witness my younger brother make a promise before God and the Church that he would live the Catholic Life, no matter the consequence - whether that is loss of friends, persecution, etc. I am so incredibly proud of my brother and who he has become and his witness to the faith. He has and continues to be an inspiration to me and T.J.! The actual Confirmation Mass was beautiful and the homily really got to the heart of the matter. The Priest reminded us that once you are Confirmed you don't stop going to Church, you don't hide in your room and stop practicing the faith. You go out and shout the Good News to all. My brother took the name Benedict as his Confirmation Saint. How incredibly beautiful to see how St. Benedict has made his way into my brother's life. St. Benedict, pray for him!
So, we had the honor of visiting family. Family is very important to me and despite the fact that for right now at least we live away from them, I try to spend quality time with them when I am around them and to make an effort to spend quality time with them on the phone or on Skype or through whatever method I can. While I don't always talk with my grandparents and cousins, I try to stay connected with my parents and siblings, both my biological and in-laws, as much as possible. Therefore, I am so glad when I get to spend time with them when we travel home or when they travel here. I won't lie, sometimes visiting home is more stressful than relaxing and that is because we have to or want to visit with everyone in the family. I really don't like that part. I love the fact that I have in-laws and a larger family now, but it is so difficult to be home for a short weekend and spend any quality time with anyone it seems. But we do try!
We also really valued getting to spend Mother's Day with our Mom's. The past four years we have missed Mother's Day due to finishing the school year, so it was quite a treat to honor the women who said yes to life and gave us the ability to be a part of this world and teach us how to be adults. We are so thankful for their love and encouragement in our lives.
I truly appreciate the time I get to have with my family. I encourage you to remember to hold your family close, both physically and mentally. Whether you get to see them on a regular basis or not, be close to your family. Teach each other to be holier. Strive to be a domestic church. Never stop running towards God, and always remember that when you are married your family will only function the way it is supposed to if you and your spouse are working together and that relationship is constantly being built up. And if you haven't talked to someone in your family in a while, give them a call or if you are close enough, stop in and say hi. You don't need to see every person in your family all the time or talk to them every week. If you go a few days without talking to your parents or your immediate family, that is okay - what matters is that you have a genuine relationship with them! But never forget to have a daily relationship with your spouse, they are the most important family you will ever have!
May you and your family be richly blessed!
P.S. I just finished reading Consuming the Word by Scott Hahn on the airplane. It is an absolutely wonderful book that articulately describes the Word, the Eucharist, the Mass, and Scripture. If you are looking for a good read, I highly recommend!
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Sweet Gestures
Lately, my darling Husband has begun a trend with me that is something I am sure that everyone could appreciate! During the day, he writes me some sweet text messages or will call me for just one minute to see how my day is going and to remind me that he loves me. If he doesn't do that he offers to help complete some chore around the house, or to pay some bill, or whatever. Sometimes he will get me flowers or take me out to dinner just cause. No matter what he does, I know that it is from the heart and filled with complete love. He doesn't do it every day, nor do I need or want him to do it every day. If he did it every day, they wouldn't be such lovely sweet gifts on the days when he does.
This has really made me think about the fact that the little things in marriage do matter. Often times, I feel like people, myself included, focus on the negative little things in marriage - like when your spouse doesn't finish the dishes or somehow doesn't manage to get his dirty socks into the laundry bin that is seriously two inches away from where he put his socks. The problem isn't that those things are annoying and we notice, the problem is that part of our fallen human condition means that we look for the negative. We subconsciously want someone to fail, someone to prove that they aren't worthy of our attention. It really is quite sad, but it is a part of our nature to some extent.
Therefore, I feel ever more the need to focus on the small positive things that happen. Make the effort, because unfortunately due to our nature we will tend to remember the one negative despite the fifty positives in our relationship. So we need to practice changing our nature. We need to put the positive out there and remember the positives when a negative arises. This doesn't mean that your spouse somehow has a free pass on life now and he can do whatever he wants without it being an issue. It just means that the little pet-peeves or the accidental mistakes shouldn't outweigh all the beautiful little things that he does.
If your spouse doesn't send you sweet messages or call you or bring you flowers, then maybe this is a great time for you to start sending a little love his way. Maybe he was hurt in the past when he brought home a card and you blew it off, maybe the last time he thought about getting you something you were financially strapped. The beautiful thing about these sweet gestures is they can be FREE!! All that matters is that they are from the HEART!!
So send some text message love today or write a little note and put it in their briefcase. If you get home first, try to help your spouse finish something that they needed to get done. If you can drop the mail at the post office, take it. If you can throw the load of laundry in, go for it! If you don't have a chance to do it every day, that is alright - it will make it all the more special on the days when you can do it.
To really "treat" your man, dress up in nice clothes intentionally for him. Pull out that shirt or dress that he loves and wear it this weekend. Or put on some perfume that reminds him of you. If he is going on a business trip - put a little note in his suitcase that he will get to read when he gets there. Send a picture of yourself in the mail to his office, so he gets a piece of positive mail! BE CREATIVE AND LET IT BE FROM THE HEART!
Whether you are both enjoying sweet gestures from each other or not. Now is the time to make sure that you stop making excuses and start changing the relationship with little positives!
This has really made me think about the fact that the little things in marriage do matter. Often times, I feel like people, myself included, focus on the negative little things in marriage - like when your spouse doesn't finish the dishes or somehow doesn't manage to get his dirty socks into the laundry bin that is seriously two inches away from where he put his socks. The problem isn't that those things are annoying and we notice, the problem is that part of our fallen human condition means that we look for the negative. We subconsciously want someone to fail, someone to prove that they aren't worthy of our attention. It really is quite sad, but it is a part of our nature to some extent.
Therefore, I feel ever more the need to focus on the small positive things that happen. Make the effort, because unfortunately due to our nature we will tend to remember the one negative despite the fifty positives in our relationship. So we need to practice changing our nature. We need to put the positive out there and remember the positives when a negative arises. This doesn't mean that your spouse somehow has a free pass on life now and he can do whatever he wants without it being an issue. It just means that the little pet-peeves or the accidental mistakes shouldn't outweigh all the beautiful little things that he does.
If your spouse doesn't send you sweet messages or call you or bring you flowers, then maybe this is a great time for you to start sending a little love his way. Maybe he was hurt in the past when he brought home a card and you blew it off, maybe the last time he thought about getting you something you were financially strapped. The beautiful thing about these sweet gestures is they can be FREE!! All that matters is that they are from the HEART!!
So send some text message love today or write a little note and put it in their briefcase. If you get home first, try to help your spouse finish something that they needed to get done. If you can drop the mail at the post office, take it. If you can throw the load of laundry in, go for it! If you don't have a chance to do it every day, that is alright - it will make it all the more special on the days when you can do it.
To really "treat" your man, dress up in nice clothes intentionally for him. Pull out that shirt or dress that he loves and wear it this weekend. Or put on some perfume that reminds him of you. If he is going on a business trip - put a little note in his suitcase that he will get to read when he gets there. Send a picture of yourself in the mail to his office, so he gets a piece of positive mail! BE CREATIVE AND LET IT BE FROM THE HEART!
Whether you are both enjoying sweet gestures from each other or not. Now is the time to make sure that you stop making excuses and start changing the relationship with little positives!
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Date Night
Every Wednesday T.J. and I have date night. Truly it is the highlight of the week. We purposefully picked Wednesday to be our Date Night because it is the middle of the week, when you are over the Monday Blues but haven't quite caught the Weekend Fever, if you know what I mean!
I think it is important to have Date Night before you have kids, while you have kids, and after your kids are moved out of the house because Date Night is another name for "Intentional Time". It doesn't even have to be at Night, it could be Date Lunch or Date Morning, whatever - the point is that you are setting aside intentional time to be with just each other.
This time should consist of the two of you and the conversation shouldn't include bills, children, things that are stressful, etc. This time should be an opportunity to talk about you, to talk about things that interest you. If you don't know what to talk about get a book that asks 100 questions and ask one every date night to get the ideas flowing when you don't know what else to talk about. There are some great books out there like: 1001 Conversation Starters, 4000 Questions to Getting to Know Anyone and Everyone, or look up conversation starters on the web! Or, plan a date night that will lend itself to talking - whether that be a movie or a hike, you get the idea!
Ideally you should set aside intentional time, even if it is for 5 minutes every day with your spouse, whether that is waking up early to have that moment or staying up a few minutes later - connecting intentionally with your spouse is vital to communication and keeping things running smoothly in your marriage. I think it is best to have Date Night (or your version of that) once a week, but if there are too many things happening in life aim for once every other week or once a month. Try not to let yourself go longer than this, because even if you say, I have no time - this is something you want to make time for! This is the way you keep your marriage strong!
The thing about Date Night is you don't have to spend tons of money to make it great! Sometimes it will be fun to spend money to go out to a nice restaurant or go on a hot air balloon ride (I have always wanted to do that!) or whatever. But some nights can be movie night or you make a special dinner for your sweetheart!
The point is, that you need to give your spouse intentional time. If that happens after the kids are in bed and you share a glass of wine or some beers together then perfect, if you have the chance and the money to go out to dinner - great! Whatever it is, make it about the two of you!
Happy Date Night!!
P.S. Some great ideas: take turns planning date night, set a budget for date night, get a book for discussion topics (reference above), write date night on the calendar, make date night the anticipated night of the week, search Date Night Ideas on Google or check out some of the ideas that The Nest posted for 100 Date Night Ideas... Oh and if you want to watch a great comedy about Date Night check out the movie Date Night!
I think it is important to have Date Night before you have kids, while you have kids, and after your kids are moved out of the house because Date Night is another name for "Intentional Time". It doesn't even have to be at Night, it could be Date Lunch or Date Morning, whatever - the point is that you are setting aside intentional time to be with just each other.
This time should consist of the two of you and the conversation shouldn't include bills, children, things that are stressful, etc. This time should be an opportunity to talk about you, to talk about things that interest you. If you don't know what to talk about get a book that asks 100 questions and ask one every date night to get the ideas flowing when you don't know what else to talk about. There are some great books out there like: 1001 Conversation Starters, 4000 Questions to Getting to Know Anyone and Everyone, or look up conversation starters on the web! Or, plan a date night that will lend itself to talking - whether that be a movie or a hike, you get the idea!
Ideally you should set aside intentional time, even if it is for 5 minutes every day with your spouse, whether that is waking up early to have that moment or staying up a few minutes later - connecting intentionally with your spouse is vital to communication and keeping things running smoothly in your marriage. I think it is best to have Date Night (or your version of that) once a week, but if there are too many things happening in life aim for once every other week or once a month. Try not to let yourself go longer than this, because even if you say, I have no time - this is something you want to make time for! This is the way you keep your marriage strong!
The thing about Date Night is you don't have to spend tons of money to make it great! Sometimes it will be fun to spend money to go out to a nice restaurant or go on a hot air balloon ride (I have always wanted to do that!) or whatever. But some nights can be movie night or you make a special dinner for your sweetheart!
The point is, that you need to give your spouse intentional time. If that happens after the kids are in bed and you share a glass of wine or some beers together then perfect, if you have the chance and the money to go out to dinner - great! Whatever it is, make it about the two of you!
Happy Date Night!!
P.S. Some great ideas: take turns planning date night, set a budget for date night, get a book for discussion topics (reference above), write date night on the calendar, make date night the anticipated night of the week, search Date Night Ideas on Google or check out some of the ideas that The Nest posted for 100 Date Night Ideas... Oh and if you want to watch a great comedy about Date Night check out the movie Date Night!
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Reflecting on where We've Been
Today is one of those days for me, when I think - WOW, I can't believe that we have known each other this long and that we have done all these things together. In only a few short weeks, T.J. and I will have been dating then courting then engaged then married for a total of 6 years. I can't believe that on May 27th, 6 years ago T.J. and I became "officially girlfriend and boyfriend"!
It's funny because it seems that I am at a point now where I have a hard time remembering when I wasn't with T.J. We were always together and we felt married before we ever said "I Do." We became and are the very Best of Friends and I feel privileged to get to spend my life, now married, with the man I dreamed of being with.
I have read somewhere that "it takes 2 to 4 years to completely get to know someone" and that "couples who wait this length before marriage are less likely to divorce." Whether or not this is a valid statistic or a true statement doesn't matter to me, I really value this because I think it is important not to rush into a marriage. Our relationships should be well established, well built before we consider being with that person for the rest of our lives. T.J. and I dated/courted for over 3 1/2 years before we got engaged. Then we were engaged for about 1 1/2 years before we got married and we have been married for a little over 9 months now.
Every couple has their way of preparing their relationship for marriage, some people enjoy spending a few nights a week with each other, or when they can get together, or for dinner every night, or for nights out on the town, or for every day visits and spending time with family - the methods go on and on.
For T.J. and I, we spent as much time as we could together before we got married. Some people may think that that was a little excessive, some people may think that it was perfectly normal - no matter the opinion, for T.J. and I that was what we wanted. I will never know if that is the reason why the second we got married I never felt weird or like things were no longer mine or that my life suddenly was so different from how it used to be. For us, moving into marriage was natural. I am thankful for the decision that we made because I feel it prepared us the most for married life.
I enjoyed spending a lot of my time with T.J. by my side because it allowed us to see each other at our very best and our very worst moments, it allowed us to see how we interacted with our families, how are families work, how they treat us, what they thought of us, etc. It also allowed us to discuss things like finances, goals, family ideals, etc. long before we tied the knot. It allowed us to become siblings with our now siblings long before the wedding day and it allowed us to feel welcomed by our future parents.
No matter when you found your special someone or when you got married, there are things that happened when you were just starting out, when you just met or had your first kiss that made such an impact on you. I remember when T.J. first asked me out - it was to junior prom, and I remember when we toured what would become our Alma Matter. I remember going to my first football game with my future father and brother in law and hubby. I remember our first kiss - on the cheek and of course the real first kiss. I remember the day we said good bye to our parents as we went off to college. I remember so many things about our relationship that got us to where we are today.
I encourage you today, as I encourage myself, to remember something in your past, when you just started dating or had been going out for a couple of months, when you had your first "kiss", just some moment where you felt like this was the relationship God wanted you to have. Remember that moment and share it with your spouse today, so that he can remember back to that moment with you! It will be a great trip down memory lane and a moment you will both enjoy!
It's funny because it seems that I am at a point now where I have a hard time remembering when I wasn't with T.J. We were always together and we felt married before we ever said "I Do." We became and are the very Best of Friends and I feel privileged to get to spend my life, now married, with the man I dreamed of being with.
I have read somewhere that "it takes 2 to 4 years to completely get to know someone" and that "couples who wait this length before marriage are less likely to divorce." Whether or not this is a valid statistic or a true statement doesn't matter to me, I really value this because I think it is important not to rush into a marriage. Our relationships should be well established, well built before we consider being with that person for the rest of our lives. T.J. and I dated/courted for over 3 1/2 years before we got engaged. Then we were engaged for about 1 1/2 years before we got married and we have been married for a little over 9 months now.
Every couple has their way of preparing their relationship for marriage, some people enjoy spending a few nights a week with each other, or when they can get together, or for dinner every night, or for nights out on the town, or for every day visits and spending time with family - the methods go on and on.
For T.J. and I, we spent as much time as we could together before we got married. Some people may think that that was a little excessive, some people may think that it was perfectly normal - no matter the opinion, for T.J. and I that was what we wanted. I will never know if that is the reason why the second we got married I never felt weird or like things were no longer mine or that my life suddenly was so different from how it used to be. For us, moving into marriage was natural. I am thankful for the decision that we made because I feel it prepared us the most for married life.
I enjoyed spending a lot of my time with T.J. by my side because it allowed us to see each other at our very best and our very worst moments, it allowed us to see how we interacted with our families, how are families work, how they treat us, what they thought of us, etc. It also allowed us to discuss things like finances, goals, family ideals, etc. long before we tied the knot. It allowed us to become siblings with our now siblings long before the wedding day and it allowed us to feel welcomed by our future parents.
No matter when you found your special someone or when you got married, there are things that happened when you were just starting out, when you just met or had your first kiss that made such an impact on you. I remember when T.J. first asked me out - it was to junior prom, and I remember when we toured what would become our Alma Matter. I remember going to my first football game with my future father and brother in law and hubby. I remember our first kiss - on the cheek and of course the real first kiss. I remember the day we said good bye to our parents as we went off to college. I remember so many things about our relationship that got us to where we are today.
I encourage you today, as I encourage myself, to remember something in your past, when you just started dating or had been going out for a couple of months, when you had your first "kiss", just some moment where you felt like this was the relationship God wanted you to have. Remember that moment and share it with your spouse today, so that he can remember back to that moment with you! It will be a great trip down memory lane and a moment you will both enjoy!
Monday, May 5, 2014
Go Together
One of the greatest joys in my life and in my marriage is getting to do things with my husband. People may laugh or find it strange, but I love going grocery shopping with my spouse. If we have to wash the cars, I want to go with. If we are getting gas in the cars - which my wonderful spouse ALWAYS does for me or if I am trying on clothes - which of course I want to look my very best for him, we try to go together!
I think that the reason that I always want to do things with my spouse and not on my own isn't because I am incapable of doing things by myself; because I have filled the tank of gas on my own, gone grocery shopping alone, went clothes shopping by myself, the list goes on and on. But I don't like doing these things on my own, especially when I know that my spouse is at home by himself. I always think - why aren't we doing this together?
I know that this could change when we have children, but honestly I doubt it will (the only change will be our children will be with us too and we might not get to do it for everything like we can now!). I doubt it will change because for me, spending time with my man is the greatest time I will ever spend. Whether we are sitting on the couch doing nothing or washing the cars or shopping for groceries - if I get to spend that time with the person that I love the most, then the sometimes meaningless tasks or the things that aren't very fun become a joy because we get to do them together.
Of course we spend time together without it being at the grocery store or shopping. We make intentional time to be with each other (something I am going to post about later this week), but when it comes to shopping or bills or any of the rote things that being an adult consists of, doing them together is the best!
This past weekend we had wonderful weather which allowed us to wash the cars, go on a bike ride (which I almost died on - not used to all the hills where we live), visit our Alma Matter, see some amazing Chalk Art, and so many other things. I know for certain that if we wouldn't have done these things together, they would not have been nearly as fun - sure we would have enjoyed them separately or with our friends, but not in the same way. It is impossible to experience things with other people the way that you get to experience them with your spouse.
I am not saying that you shouldn't do things by yourself, for yourself, with yourself or your friends (other than your Best Friend, aka your spouse), but I am saying that when you do the same tasks day in and day out, take your best friend. Do the things that suck the most or are the most meaningless or boring and do them with the person that lights up your life.
I hope that you have a wonderful start to your week! I hope that this week you will find one opportunity to do something with your spouse that you either normally don't do with them or is one of the rote tasks of life. Take them with, be involved together in finding the groceries in the aisle or sending the money out for bills. You'll not only find that the task is better with your "better half" but it is also finished quicker!
I think that the reason that I always want to do things with my spouse and not on my own isn't because I am incapable of doing things by myself; because I have filled the tank of gas on my own, gone grocery shopping alone, went clothes shopping by myself, the list goes on and on. But I don't like doing these things on my own, especially when I know that my spouse is at home by himself. I always think - why aren't we doing this together?
I know that this could change when we have children, but honestly I doubt it will (the only change will be our children will be with us too and we might not get to do it for everything like we can now!). I doubt it will change because for me, spending time with my man is the greatest time I will ever spend. Whether we are sitting on the couch doing nothing or washing the cars or shopping for groceries - if I get to spend that time with the person that I love the most, then the sometimes meaningless tasks or the things that aren't very fun become a joy because we get to do them together.
Of course we spend time together without it being at the grocery store or shopping. We make intentional time to be with each other (something I am going to post about later this week), but when it comes to shopping or bills or any of the rote things that being an adult consists of, doing them together is the best!
This past weekend we had wonderful weather which allowed us to wash the cars, go on a bike ride (which I almost died on - not used to all the hills where we live), visit our Alma Matter, see some amazing Chalk Art, and so many other things. I know for certain that if we wouldn't have done these things together, they would not have been nearly as fun - sure we would have enjoyed them separately or with our friends, but not in the same way. It is impossible to experience things with other people the way that you get to experience them with your spouse.
I am not saying that you shouldn't do things by yourself, for yourself, with yourself or your friends (other than your Best Friend, aka your spouse), but I am saying that when you do the same tasks day in and day out, take your best friend. Do the things that suck the most or are the most meaningless or boring and do them with the person that lights up your life.
I hope that you have a wonderful start to your week! I hope that this week you will find one opportunity to do something with your spouse that you either normally don't do with them or is one of the rote tasks of life. Take them with, be involved together in finding the groceries in the aisle or sending the money out for bills. You'll not only find that the task is better with your "better half" but it is also finished quicker!
Friday, May 2, 2014
Finding time to Pray
I don't know about you, but T.J. and I have had such a hard time establishing routines since we got married. It seemed that no matter how ingrained our routines were during High School and College, once we got married we threw all of them out the window.
The hardest routine to keep up with is one of the most vital to our lives and our marriage - prayer. Prayer completely gets tossed to side practically the day you get married. No matter how much you may say, I will keep up my prayer life or that won't happen to me, at some point I think you will realize that if your prayer life hasn't completely fallen to the side, like ours has, that it isn't as strong as it used to be or as strong as you want it to be.
I think that is because Satan wants to destroy the beauty of the Sacrament of Matrimony. As the Priest says when you get married "What God has joined together, let man not put asunder." Man puts their marriage asunder when they forget to have a relationship with the person that bound them together - God. Man - husband and wife - need to cultivate their marriage. They need to cultivate it with the Third Person of their marriage triangle being involved in their lives.
When T.J. and I got married we knew that keeping the Third Person - God - in our lives was vital. Like the famous book Three to Get Married by Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen describes, your marriage takes place with the two of you and God at the center, or another way to describe it would be as three points to a triangle (which is probably my favorite analogy because it mimics the Trinity - Father, Son and Holy Spirit and because I like to view this triangle as God, Wife, Husband and in the space inside the triangle your children who can only survive if the triangle keeps all its points intact - but that's a side story). Anyways, we decided to partake in a beautiful tradition when we got married. We said our vows on a Crucifix and kissed the Crucifix before each other and then we placed the Crucifix in a place of honor in our home to constantly remind us that God bound us together and without a relationship with Him, our relationship will fail. You can read more on this tradition HERE. We rely on Him for the truest example of sacrificial love, the love that He had for us on the Cross.
When T.J. and I remember to pray we pray before this Crucifix which is in our bedroom now and will most likely remain there until we have children and we put it in a place where everyone can view it. This past weekend we had the great privilege of getting to attend one of our good friends wedding. This was like a mini-marriage retreat for us, a reawakening that we need to make things more of a priority in our marriage - especially prayer. When we got back home my wonderful hubby and I had a heart to heart and have recommitted ourselves to making prayer a priority, a habit again in our lives.
Every day this week we have made prayer a priority and I can tell that it is already making a huge difference. The prayer doesn't have to be long, it can be the Rosary or a Novena, it can be a prayer for spouses, for families or it can just be a prayer that you sincerely say from your heart. If praying together seems scary at first or awkward, start by saying the Rosary together. Eventually, work into praying from the heart, discussing in prayer with God what is on your hearts. Ask Him whether you should have a child (or another child), whether you should find another job, what you can do to make your marriage better, what you can do to make life easier for your spouse... the list goes on and on.
I challenge you, like I challenge myself, start making routines, most especially start making the routine of prayer! I promise you that it will be the best decision, the best 30 seconds or 15 minutes that you and your spouse spend in a day. I know because in the past when we have prayed we have felt nothing but blessed - not even necessarily from answered prayers, but mostly from the connection, the deep love, the closeness that we have shared though prayer.
May you make prayer a priority beginning today! Because it does take "Three to Get Married" and it definitely takes Three to Stay Married!
The hardest routine to keep up with is one of the most vital to our lives and our marriage - prayer. Prayer completely gets tossed to side practically the day you get married. No matter how much you may say, I will keep up my prayer life or that won't happen to me, at some point I think you will realize that if your prayer life hasn't completely fallen to the side, like ours has, that it isn't as strong as it used to be or as strong as you want it to be.
I think that is because Satan wants to destroy the beauty of the Sacrament of Matrimony. As the Priest says when you get married "What God has joined together, let man not put asunder." Man puts their marriage asunder when they forget to have a relationship with the person that bound them together - God. Man - husband and wife - need to cultivate their marriage. They need to cultivate it with the Third Person of their marriage triangle being involved in their lives.
When T.J. and I got married we knew that keeping the Third Person - God - in our lives was vital. Like the famous book Three to Get Married by Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen describes, your marriage takes place with the two of you and God at the center, or another way to describe it would be as three points to a triangle (which is probably my favorite analogy because it mimics the Trinity - Father, Son and Holy Spirit and because I like to view this triangle as God, Wife, Husband and in the space inside the triangle your children who can only survive if the triangle keeps all its points intact - but that's a side story). Anyways, we decided to partake in a beautiful tradition when we got married. We said our vows on a Crucifix and kissed the Crucifix before each other and then we placed the Crucifix in a place of honor in our home to constantly remind us that God bound us together and without a relationship with Him, our relationship will fail. You can read more on this tradition HERE. We rely on Him for the truest example of sacrificial love, the love that He had for us on the Cross.
When T.J. and I remember to pray we pray before this Crucifix which is in our bedroom now and will most likely remain there until we have children and we put it in a place where everyone can view it. This past weekend we had the great privilege of getting to attend one of our good friends wedding. This was like a mini-marriage retreat for us, a reawakening that we need to make things more of a priority in our marriage - especially prayer. When we got back home my wonderful hubby and I had a heart to heart and have recommitted ourselves to making prayer a priority, a habit again in our lives.
Every day this week we have made prayer a priority and I can tell that it is already making a huge difference. The prayer doesn't have to be long, it can be the Rosary or a Novena, it can be a prayer for spouses, for families or it can just be a prayer that you sincerely say from your heart. If praying together seems scary at first or awkward, start by saying the Rosary together. Eventually, work into praying from the heart, discussing in prayer with God what is on your hearts. Ask Him whether you should have a child (or another child), whether you should find another job, what you can do to make your marriage better, what you can do to make life easier for your spouse... the list goes on and on.
I challenge you, like I challenge myself, start making routines, most especially start making the routine of prayer! I promise you that it will be the best decision, the best 30 seconds or 15 minutes that you and your spouse spend in a day. I know because in the past when we have prayed we have felt nothing but blessed - not even necessarily from answered prayers, but mostly from the connection, the deep love, the closeness that we have shared though prayer.
May you make prayer a priority beginning today! Because it does take "Three to Get Married" and it definitely takes Three to Stay Married!
Thursday, May 1, 2014
A little bit about Me
Hey All -
My name is Kalen and I decided to begin this blog because I am recently married and I am a lifelong Catholic. My handsome hubby and I got married on July 26, 2013 -- so that means we have only been married for just over 9 months. We definitely can rightly be called "Newlyweds" as we very much are!
Some background on the Hubs and I. We are high school sweethearts. We began dating when we were 17 years old and our first official date was Junior Prom! Wow... that seems like so long ago. We have grown so much together as we completed High School and College. Both T.J. (that's my husband's name) and I decided independently of one another to go to the same College, Benedictine College in Atchison, KS. I went to school for Theology and Youth Ministry and he went to school to be a Chemical Engineer.
We absolutely treasure all of our experiences and the life that we have lived since we got together almost 6 years ago - on May 27th. This blog will reflect back on those years and will focus on our current lives and what we hope our future to be. I hope that this blog allows me to share my love of God and the Church as well as the love that my spouse and I share. I am always open for suggestions on topics relating to the Catholic Church, marriage, or just about anything. I can't say whether or not I will be an expert on whatever I talk about, but these are my thoughts and I hope that you enjoy!
My prayers for all of you!
My name is Kalen and I decided to begin this blog because I am recently married and I am a lifelong Catholic. My handsome hubby and I got married on July 26, 2013 -- so that means we have only been married for just over 9 months. We definitely can rightly be called "Newlyweds" as we very much are!
Some background on the Hubs and I. We are high school sweethearts. We began dating when we were 17 years old and our first official date was Junior Prom! Wow... that seems like so long ago. We have grown so much together as we completed High School and College. Both T.J. (that's my husband's name) and I decided independently of one another to go to the same College, Benedictine College in Atchison, KS. I went to school for Theology and Youth Ministry and he went to school to be a Chemical Engineer.
We absolutely treasure all of our experiences and the life that we have lived since we got together almost 6 years ago - on May 27th. This blog will reflect back on those years and will focus on our current lives and what we hope our future to be. I hope that this blog allows me to share my love of God and the Church as well as the love that my spouse and I share. I am always open for suggestions on topics relating to the Catholic Church, marriage, or just about anything. I can't say whether or not I will be an expert on whatever I talk about, but these are my thoughts and I hope that you enjoy!
My prayers for all of you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)